


Haunting

by Danjo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Needs a Hug, Choking, Demon!Dean, Drug Abuse, Forced Orgasm, Graceless Castiel, M/M, Non-Consensual, Season 10 Spoilers, Violence, forced blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7406920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danjo/pseuds/Danjo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demon!Dean is able to abduct graceless Castiel and takes him home.</p><p>'I knew you weren't a virgin, Cas. Or are you just uncomfortable being naked and helpless beneath me, hm?' Dean leaned down until he could whisper in Castiel's ear, who looked at him with wide eyes. 'So defenseless, so vulnerable. All laid out for li'l old Dean-o.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You put a fever inside me

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: rape/non-con. This is not a nice fic, please heed the warnings. Titles are from Halsey's song "Haunting".
> 
> This story is being translated into Chinese, thanks to InnocentDays: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10749282/chapters/23832384

Castiel was sitting at the edge of the motel bed, his dress shirt bunched around his hands which were resting behind him. His tie hung loosely around his bare neck and fell into his pant-clad lap he was currently staring at.    
  
'I know the real you is still in there somewhere, Dean.' Castiel said, voice quiet and raspy. 'Let Sam and I help you.' He tilted his head up and to the side, trying to catch Dean's eye. Dean was busy cleaning his tools, the rag moved rhythmically over the metal. The only reaction Castiel got was a quick side glance.    
  
It had only been a few minutes ago when Dean had dragged Castiel into the motel room they were currently inhabiting. After divesting Castiel of his trenchcoat and jacket, he had opened the buttons on Castiel's dress shirt and had slid it down his arms only to twist the material until the hands were secured. Grabbing the angel's tie from the bottom, Dean had slid his hand up slowly, occasionally touching skin, until he reached the knot which he had loosened with a wink. Then he had pushed at Castiel's bare chest and the angel had fallen backwards onto the bed, righting himself into an upright position quickly after. Dean had been sitting at the small table a few feet away since then, cleaning guns, swords, and now knives.    
  
Castiel had no idea what Dean was planning, he only knew that this demonic version of his former friend was not to be reasoned with. He had learned that the hard way when Dean had attacked him in his graceless state. The ensuing fight had been over in seconds, the only traces being a bloody lip and a twisted ankle on Castiel's part.    
  
If only he could get his grace back somehow, he could maybe heal his friend and end this nightmare. There had to be a way, Castiel was sure of it.   
  
'You know, Cas,' Dean began as he slowly rose from his chair across the room. 'I hope you appreciate this role reversal here just as much as I do.' He said sauntering over to the bed, holding an angel blade and probing its pointed tip with his thumb.    
  
Of course this change in dynamics wasn't lost on Castiel, he remembered the first time he spoke to Dean, how he almost killed him in the process because he didn't know humans weren't meant to hear an angel's true voice. How much simpler times had been back then.   
  
Dean came to a halt in front of the bed, lazily playing with the blade. Its silver edge gleamed in the dull lamplight from the ceiling and caught Castiel's attention. He had to tip his head back in order to look up, Dean was standing that close. Castiel watched as the blade came closer and followed its path with his eyes. Then the tip rested lightly underneath his jaw, barely scratching at his adam's apple. He couldn't help but stare at Dean's hand, the light grip it had on the blade, subtly flexing muscles and tendons. Then he felt the blade along his neck and jaw until the flat of it stilled beneath his chin and the pressure made him look up into Dean's green eyes.    
  
'Oh, how the tables have turned.' Dean said with a smirk. 'The great Castiel, angel of the lord, at the mercy of a demon.' He chuckled. 'I wonder if you truly are an angel anymore, huh Cas?' He leaned in even more, eyes going black. 'What would happen if I hurt you now? Do you think I'd still even need this?' He increased the pressure of the angel blade, Castiel had to lean his head back even more.   
  
'Dean—' Castiel began but suddenly Dean kept pushing the blade further and came so close he could put one knee on the bed beside Castiel. The angel had no other choice but to lean back on his elbows, half lying on his shirt-bound hands. The blade followed and soon Dean straddled Castiel's legs.    
  
The demon leaned in close, the inky depths of his eyes deeply unsettling Castiel who felt his arms shake and give out beneath him, so he lay flat on his back, looking up at a demon above him. One hand braced next to Castiel's head, the other holding the blade, Dean went on.    
  
'I wonder if you can think of the reason why I have brought you here, Cas.' He trailed the blade back down Castiel's throat, dipping it in the valley of his collarbone and tracing around his pectorals. 'Do you have any idea how pathetic the old me was? How I decided to not just follow my desires?' The blade moved further down, around the navel. 'No, I was a coward and a fool.' It stopped at Castiel's belt buckle. Castiel had followed the blade with his eyes and when it suddenly stopped they snapped back up to look at Dean's face.    
  
'The old Dean knew not to hurt his friends and family,' Castiel tried with force behind his words but Dean only looked at where the blade was, one corner of his mouth going up. 'The old Dean was— _ is _ a good person. There was no foolishness in him. Let us help you, please.'   
  
'What, you really think you can change me back to my boring old self? You never abandon hope, do you? So damn sorry to burst your little bubble, Cas.' With a theatrical sigh Dean leaned back a few inches. 'Now,' he said. 'Back to my question.' The blade was pushed beneath the leather of the belt and up, so the tail was free. 'Do you have any idea,' With his left hand Dean flipped the belt's tail over to remove it from the prong. 'What I'm going to do with you?' He pulled the rest of the leather out of the buckle and in one swift motion he pulled the entire belt from around Castiel's hips and dropped it on the floor.    
  
In all honesty, Castiel had been wondering just that. Whatever  _ did _ Dean want from him? Castiel didn't have any sensitive information, no power, nothing. Torture would only be a pastime for the demon, a little fun before finally killing the angel. That was what Castiel was expecting anyhow, why Dean had him guess at it made him a little uneasy. He was prepared to die, though. Had done so many times before. The only thing he regretted was not being able to save Dean after all, he was hoping Sam would be able to find a cure on his own.    
  
'No clue?' Dean proceeded to pop open the dress pant's button one-handedly, the angel blade a remaining threat in his right hand. Castiel only stared at him. 'Are you still so green? Have you learned nothing of the human way of life in all those years? Of their depravity?' Dean opened the other's zipper. 'Their needs and urges?' Now he lay the blade on the bed, just in his arm's reach and grabbed the open pants before him with both hands.    
  
'Wait!' Castiel called out and Dean looked at him with an expression of mock surprise.   
  
'I knew you weren't a virgin, Cas. Or are you just uncomfortable being naked and helpless beneath me, hm?' Dean leaned down until he could whisper in Castiel's ear, who looked at him with wide eyes. 'So defenseless, so vulnerable. All laid out for li'l old Dean-o.'    
  
Sure, Castiel wasn't technically a virgin anymore, he had slept with April (who had proceeded to kill him afterwards). It was a whole other situation though. This? This was Dean. Or at least it looked like him. Like the man he liked to think of as his charge, the man he sometimes watched over at night and who prayed to him for help. In all his time he spent as a human Castiel had started to realize that even though he hadn't had his grace anymore he still felt connected to Dean on a very special level, a level he could never reach with Sam. It was more than devotion or a need to protect, he never did find a word to describe it. The closest he came up with was  _ love _ . But Dean had always made it clear that he was exclusively attracted to females, and Castiel was content in this situation nonetheless. Content to keep his watch over Dean, to come and help whenever he was needed. He had all but given up hope to maybe someday have something beyond their friendship. What exactly this 'beyond' was, he hadn't been sure either. But this situation here looked a lot like it and he was certain that the old Dean would not have approved of it.    
  
'Don't do something you will later regret.' Castiel said quietly.    
  
'I really think it's time you gave up on your sentimentality.' Dean said and started to push down Castiel's pants. Staring at the ceiling, Castiel wondered why demon Dean did this in the first place. To  _ defile  _ an angel?  Surely not because he was suddenly attracted to him. Or what had he said just a few minutes ago? That he used to be a coward and hadn't followed his desires? Could that mean that— Castiel was rudely torn from his thoughts when Dean was back in his field of vision and a hand was grabbing his chin.    
'Look at me,' Dean demanded. 'You're not going to hide in your pretty little head, angel.'  Dean's other hand landed on Castiel's thigh, making the latter jerk his leg outward and creating a gap between his legs which Dean immediately took advantage of by pushing one denim clad leg in between. 'Already inviting me in?' Dean breathed against Castiel's neck, hot moist air hitting Castiel's skin and sending shivers down his spine. 'I thought it would take me longer to make you give in.'   
  
Castiel had started to breathe harder and sweat was forming on his brow. This was  _ bad _ . He could feel Dean's body pressing against his own, hard and heavy.    
  
'Dean, don't—don't do this. Let me up and we can talk, call Sam and find a cure. I am sure we manage, we always have. If you'd only—' Castiel's rambling was interrupted by Dean's finger covering the angel's mouth.    
  
'Shh, no more begging unless it's for more.'   
  
'More what?' Castiel asked through the corners of his mouth.    
  
'This.' And Dean replaced his finger with his lips. To say Castiel was startled would have been an understatement. His heart seemed to have stopped, his breathing too and his wide open eyes soon began to sting. After a few seconds he began to regain control of his body and wrenched his head to the side.    
  
'What— no, stop this, Dean! You'd never— you don't want...' Green eyes were looking at him when his face was gently turned back. The look Dean gave him could only be described as reverently, then it twisted into a sickening smile. Dean blinked and back were the black eyes, staring right into Castiel's soul.    
  
'You have no idea what I want. What I've wanted for years. What I held back. But not anymore, Cas. This new me, it is so much better. Now when I want something I take it, no questions asked, no regrets.' A thumb stroked over Castiel's bottom lip. 'And what I want now, well, is  _ you _ .' Dean leaned back in and Castiel wanted to turn his head away again but couldn't when Dean's grip on his chin tightened. Gritting his teeth and closing his eyes, Castiel braced himself for the touch of lips on his own. When nothing happened, he hesitantly opened his eyes back up and saw Dean looking down at his mouth. The thumb kept stroking and Dean's own lips were parted slightly, a tongue barely visible as it slid along the underside of his oh-so-perfect upper teeth. 'Come on Cas, kiss me. I know you've wanted to for years, all those lingering stares, invasion of personal space and the touching.' Castiel's eyes widened with every word and once Dean had finished he was blushing.    
  
'I-I, I don't know what you're talking about. I am an angel, I don't have feelings or desires like this.'   
  
'Tsk, tsk.' Dean blinked and his eyes were green again. 'Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. We both know you're lying.' Without warning he kissed Castiel again and this time he even licked and sucked at the angel's lips. Castiel tried to keep his mouth closed and glared at Dean until the demon pressed his leg into Castiel's crotch. He couldn't help but gasp at this intimate sensation and Dean used the opportunity to push his tongue past the other's lips. The quick and agile tongue licked Castiel's mouth further open and the angel's eyes slowly fell closed, overwhelmed by this intense kiss. Castiel couldn't help but wonder how much he would have enjoyed kissing the real Dean for the first time. His heart broke at the realization that this had been taken from both of them.    
  
The kiss went on for several long seconds before Dean leaned away with a last brush of wet lips. Still Castiel's eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily. His arms were starting to go numb beneath him, trapped in his shirt and digging into his back uncomfortably. He felt so helpless, so useless. How could he just lie there and let this demon do whatever it pleased? He should have fought back by now. How was a stupid shirt holding him back? His instincts started screaming at him to  _ get out, run. Get away from this monster, he's not your friend anymore _ . Castiel's eyes snapped open and in one quick move he twisted his whole body to the side and down on the ground. Dean lost his balance and tumbled to the other side of the bed. Castiel made it two steps to the door when he was tackled to the ground from behind.    
  
'Oh no, no, no.' Dean panted in his ear. 'You're not getting away, Cas.' His hair was grabbed and his head pulled up. He felt the blade against his neck again, the sharp edge this time and Dean kept hauling Castiel into a standing position. The arm that was not holding the angel blade snaked around Castiel's middle and started dragging him back to the bed. 'It seems I've been too nice to you. Looks like I need to show you who's in charge.' He dumped the angel on the bed and proceeded to roll up his sleeves. Castiel rolled to the side and wanted to get back up when Dean got on the bed, too and started crawling towards him.    
  
Peering at Dean's face made Castiel panic, shiny black eyes stared at him and an expression of fury and excitement was looking at him. Before Dean could reach him, Castiel pulled his legs close to his body, trying to hide from the hungry gaze directed at him.    
  
'Dean, please listen—' Castiel's attempt at calming Dean down was falling on deaf ears it seemed as Dean grabbed the ankle closest to him and pulled hard until Castiel was on his back. Quickly the demon was atop the angel again, grabbing the tie around his neck and pulling that as well, tightening the noose, closing the air supply.    
  
The sensation of suffocating was new to Castiel, pressure and pain collected in his head, his hands wanted to fly to his throat but they couldn't and so he watched Dean's eerily calm face as he looked at him in mild interest while Castiel's mouth opened in need of air. Just before he thought he'd black out and die, Dean loosened his grip on the tie and Castiel wheezed and sputtered.    
  
'Don't ever try to run from me, Cas. You cannot outrun me or hide. I am the one in power now, your mojo is gone.' He stroked the newly red skin around the tie softly, threateningly. So much for that. Dean had gotten fast, extremely strong, too. Castiel didn't stand a chance. 'Do you understand?'   
  
How much Castiel wanted to remain silent or say something defiant, but all that came out was a meek 'Yes.' And he stared unblinking at the ceiling beside Dean's head.    
  
'Good.' Dean said and brushed his lips across Castiel's bruised cheekbone. 'I like a little fight in you though, it turns me on so much.' He presented the evidence by pressing his crotch against Castiel's leg. The angel kept staring at the ceiling when he felt Dean's hands wander to his boxer briefs. Castiel tensed and waited, grinding his teeth together. 'Relax man, you're gonna like this,' Dean promised and stroked Castiel's limp cock through the thin white cotton. A muscle jumped in Castiel's jaw, he was trying so hard to stay unaffected by Dean's ministrations but he knew this was a losing battle. When Dean noticed Castiel's inner fight he smiled and nuzzled the other's neck. 'Yes, give in, Cas. I know this feels good, don't try to hide it from me.' Dean's voice was raspy and low in Castiel's ear and added to the arousal slowly building inside him.    
  
Castiel stole a quick glance down at himself and almost moaned out loud when he saw Dean's hand stroking lightly up and down his shaft which was already tenting his boxers. He tore his gaze away and turned his head from the voice filling his ear with hot breath and dirty promises.    
  
'Why are you doing this?' Castiel asked in a small voice. The stroking stopped. He felt Dean shift and straddle his thighs again, grabbing his tie once more.  _ Oh no, not this again _ , he thought but this time Dean had taken a hold of the knot itself and used it to pull Castiel up into a sitting position. He came face to face with him once more. Dean brought their heads closer together and gave him a lazy half smile.    
  
'Because—', He got closer. 'I—', Their lips almost touched 'Can.' Castiel was panting, adrenaline, anxiety and arousal warring within him and beating his last coherent thoughts to mush. Never in his entire life had he felt like this. It was too much and Dean had only gotten started. He couldn't help a dry sob escaping his mouth, lip quivering, he was too overwhelmed with emotion. 'Shh, Cas. Hey, don't cry now. Here, I'll be gentle. Promise.' His last words were almost lost to Castiel, they were spoken so quietly. Then the hand on his cock resumed its stroking and the other one went around the back of his neck, holding him upright there instead and bringing their foreheads together.    
  
Lips slightly parted, Dean was looking into his eyes and Castiel had to close his to lessen the sensory input somehow. Dean stroked him faster and harder, Castiel's brow knitted together in concentration. Hot breath mingled between them and the angel tried with all his might not to moan or cry out. When he came it was with a cut off keen that turned into yet another quiet sob.    
  
He could feel hot liquid in his boxers that slowly began to cool and started to realize what had happened. Shame made him blush furiously and try to break free from the hold on his neck only to open his eyes to black inkiness. Demon eyes were staring back at him and all the post orgasmic bliss in his body disappeared in .2 seconds and he started struggling in earnest.    
  
'Don't.' It was a low-spoken warning with such vehemence that Castiel stopped immediately. Still breathing hard he looked down their bodies and only now grasped what Dean’s hard-on entailed. Oh no. This was bad, very bad. He briefly considered ignoring the warning but before he could move another muscle Dean let go of his neck, stood up and got off the bed to go to the bathroom on the far side of the room.    
  
Confused, Castiel watched him disappear and listened to the sound of the shower starting. Now was his chance to escape.


	2. You’ve got a fire inside, but your heart’s so cold

  
Silently he shifted down the side of the bed and started to untangle his hands from the shirt behind his back. Once his arms were free he grabbed his trench coat that was hanging over the chair Dean had not been sitting in and put it on his mostly naked body, then hurriedly closed a few of its buttons. He reached over to the table to grab a blade, though he knew none of them would have much of an effect on a demon. Still, he didn’t want to remain defenseless.

He checked for the sound of running water coming from the bathroom and then noiselessly crept to the exit. Stuffing the blade in his trench coat pocket, he reached for the doorknob with shaking hands. Just when he was about to turn the knob a hand covered his and Dean’s voice roughly spoke in his ear. ‘Stupid move.’

It was all he said and then Castiel was dragged back to the bed. Of course he struggled and fought, even reached for his stowed weapon but found it had been removed. Dean hauled him atop the bed and pressed the knife against his throat. ‘Looking for this?’ He asked, breathing labored and face flushed, hair dripping water onto Castiel’s face. ‘What did you think you could do with this anyway, huh Cas?’ He pressed harder on the blade and Castiel felt it dangerously close to cutting his skin. Then it was suddenly gone, as well as Dean. The blade was tossed on the bed next to Castiel who looked at it incredulously.  
‘Go ahead, try and attack me with it.’ Dean said while extending his arms outward. Only now did Castiel notice that Dean wasn’t wearing anything but a towel around his waist, he was still wet and his skin glistened in the dim lamp light. Nervously Castiel looked between the blade and the demon, weighing his options. It was obviously a trap but it was also his only chance.

Taking a reassuring breath Castiel grabbed the blade and got up from the bed, cautiously taking a fighting stance while Dean remained in his spot, arms slowly lowering to his sides and a mocking smile spreading his lips.

‘I don’t want to fight you, Dean.’ Castiel started and tried to suppress the tremor in his hands and voice.

‘Oh I’ve noticed. You’ve been _very_ docile so far. I could have taken you so easily before.’ Demon eyes wandered over Castiel’s form, leaving him feeling naked even though he was wearing his coat. ‘But I held myself back, do you know why? Because I didn’t want to break my new toy right from the start.’ Eyes hooded and nostrils flared he clenched his jaw. ‘I could have ripped that underwear right off you, spread your legs and—’

‘Enough!’ Castiel barked out, but it was sufficient in stopping Dean’s monologue. He slowly raised the blade in his shaking hand. ‘You will let me go right now and I will find Sam to—’

‘Oh, Cas.’ Dean exhaled in a small laugh. ‘Naive little Castiel. Do you really think I’d let my brother walk around trying to find a _cure_ for me?’ He laughed for show, then folded his arms in front of his chest. ‘Dear little Sammy is securely locked away somewhere not even nosy angels can find him. He will think twice before going behind my back again.’

‘What did you do to him?’

‘Why don’t you come here and find out?’ With that Dean unlocked his arms again and crouched down, ready to pounce. _Now or never_ , Castiel thought and sprang at the demon. He slashed the knife across Dean’s chest but missed, Dean dodged to the side and grabbed for Castiel’s knife-wielding arm but the angel was quick, too and ducked to deliver a kick to the other’s knee. Dean fell to the side and caught a hold of the trench coat’s collar, bringing Castiel down with him to the floor. Dean rolled them until he was atop the angel and fought to secure Castiel’s hands, receiving a shallow cut to his forearm in the process.

Frustrated and panicked, Castiel kicked Dean in the crotch as a last resort. However, Dean did not roll into a ball to weep in pain but remained where he was. Only a faint grunt indicated Castiel's success.

‘You sonovabitch. Playing dirty, huh?’ Dean’s eyes were black and a murderous glee was on his face while he finally managed to wrestle Castiel’s hands to the floor. The pressure on his right wrist increased until he couldn’t keep his hand in a fist anymore and the knife landed with a dull thud on the carpeted floor. The towel around Dean’s waist had gotten lost in their fight and Castiel’s trench coat had ridden up his thighs. Somehow this naked Dean was even more terrifying than the clothed one had been and Castiel had to repress a shiver. Wordlessly, Dean transferred both arms above Castiel’s head and held them there with one hand. Then he started undoing the buttons on the trench coat. Castiel had to close his eyes and fought his rising panic. Once Dean had managed to open it up all the way he pulled it to the side to reveal the almost completely naked body underneath. Then he went straight for the wet boxers.

‘Stop!’ Castiel tried to draw his knees up to deny Dean access and wanted to wrench his hands free but couldn’t break the iron hold on them. Dean stopped the struggle by laying his entire body on top of him, instantly stilling the angel who could feel how his resistance had excited the demon.

‘Go on, I love the feel of you right now. So hot and scared. You’re like a trapped animal and I am the predator.’ Dean bent further down. ‘I will devour you, Cas.’ He licked Castiel’s neck up to his cheek, feeling the pulse beneath his skin. ‘You always act so tough. Like nothing can touch you. But look at you now.’ He took hold of the blade lying on the carpet and brought it down to Castiel’s hip, hovering over the white cotton of the boxers. ‘I think you’re a little overdressed.’ Dean said and sliced through the underwear.

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. He was definitely going to die tonight, he thought. Not necessarily by Dean’s blade but his touches just might do the job. He had to try and survive though, Sam was in danger. He tried calming himself down by breathing through his nose and stopping his tugging at the hand holding him down.

‘Get it over with, then.’ Castiel said trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. ‘You demons just love hearing yourself talk. I am not afraid of you.’ Dean only smiled and licked his lips.

‘See Cas, this is where you’re wrong. I can feel your fluttering heart, how your blood is rushing through your veins and the adrenaline inside of it. It's driving me wild.’ Dean moaned in his ear and writhed against him. Then he tossed the tattered remains of white cotton to the side and caressed Castiel’s hip with his left hand, stroking around to his buttock and down his thigh. He stopped in the hollow of his knee and lifted it up, then slid between the spread legs with his hips. The feeling of their cocks touching made Dean moan again and the sound of it brought a deep flush to Castiel’s whole body.

Castiel was in deep trouble. He could feel his body reacting to Dean again and tried to concentrate on the bruising grip on his wrists instead. Dean’s free hand wandered up his chest and loosened the knot on his tie, he felt the silk slide free from around his neck and leaving goosebumps in its wake. Then the silk wrapped around his wrists instead and was secured with a tight knot. Now that they were free, Dean gripped Castiel’s head in both hands and spoke directly to his face. ‘I want you, right here, right now.’ Then he pushed his hips down and kissed Castiel again while maintaining his grip on his face. He kept grinding their hips together, Castiel’s cock gradually showing interest.

When Dean broke the kiss it was to look at the angel’s face while he kept rubbing their cocks together. He wanted to see every one of the angel’s reactions. Castiel had to close his eyes again, he couldn’t bear the hungry gaze in those black eyes. He bit his already hurt lip to keep quiet, tasting blood on it. Dean removed his right hand and brought it to his own mouth to spit on it noisily, causing Castiel to open his eyes. He watched as the demon wrapped his hand around both their erect cocks and started stroking. The spit seemed to work as a lubricant because it suddenly felt ten times more intense. Castiel couldn’t stop the whine slipping through his lips, the sensations were too much.

‘That’s it baby. Let me hear you.’ Dean panted in his face and sped up his ministrations. At this rate Castiel was going to come again and it would be the second time in what? Twenty minutes? He felt embarrassed and betrayed by his own body.

Dean’s left-hand thumb started brushing over Castiel’s lips, then dipped inside his mouth and stroked over his tongue. Now with his mouth open Castiel couldn’t hold back the sounds he didn’t want to make and Dean praised him for it.

‘So good for me, Cas. You’re mine, mine alone. I’m gonna make you beg me to fuck you. Ah—’ He hissed. ‘ _Yes_!’ The grip around their cocks became firmer, the movement sped up and Castiel was close. He could tell that Dean was, too. Then he felt the knot in his belly tightening and he surrendered to the feeling. He came all over himself and Dean’s hand with a sob. Dean didn’t slow down with the strokes, though and kept at it. Before the sensations became uncomfortable for the oversensitive Castiel, Dean stopped and spilled his release with a long sigh.

Heavy breathing was all that could be heard in the motel room. Castiel stared at the wall across from him, his eyes sore and wet. He somehow must have started crying at one point, he realized. Apathetically, he tried to blink the tears away but they kept coming.

A thumb wiped at his cheek and soft lips brushed his.

‘Just—don’t…’ Castiel said hoarsely and hid his face in his shoulder. Dean kept nuzzling his jaw and ear a little longer and then got up, leaving Castiel bound on the floor.


	3. And I’ve tried to wash you away but you just won’t leave

It took Castiel several minutes to finally roll onto his side and bring his arms down, looking at the bed across the room in his new position. That only reminded him of recent events, so he quickly averted his gaze and instead it landed on Dean moving about, rummaging through a duffel bag at the bottom of the table. Apparently, he had had the time to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt while Castiel was lying on the floor. He could go with some clothing himself right about now, but he wasn’t going to _ask_ for it, so he kept his mouth shut.

‘Don’t you want to get up already?’ Dean casually asked and turned around. Castiel could have sworn it was the old Dean standing there, the way his lips quirked up and the corners of his eyes crinkled. He swallowed around a dry throat and had to remind himself to stop staring. He looked away and brought his arms closer to his chest and his legs up, feeling exposed all over again. No way could he just get up in his messy, shaky state and not die from shame.

But then a towel landed on him and without thinking Castiel quickly grabbed for it, heaved himself up and held it in front of his abdomen. With questioning eyes he looked at Dean, who beckoned for him with the curl of a finger. Castiel didn’t want to go to him, he only wanted to flee, actually. Apparently Dean could see the hesitation in Castiel, so he told him to stop worrying.

‘I just want to untie you, man.’ He said with his hands held up in a placating position.

Hesitantly, Castiel took a step towards him, gripping the fluffy material tightly in both hands. Once he had reached him, Dean’s fingers stroked down Castiel’s forearms, finally landing on the silk tie and opening the knot he had previously tied. ‘Why don’t you get cleaned up while I go and grab us some grub?’ Dean smiled.

What was happening? He couldn’t stop staring at Dean. This _was_ Dean. At least he looked like his old friend so much that Castiel felt a little bubble of hope rise inside of him. The way he smiled, how his eyes shone and the way he clapped Castiel on the shoulder after removing the tie. Before he could think more on it, he was pushed towards the bathroom by a hand on his back and his feet hit the cold tiles. Only now did he notice that he was still wearing his socks and the absurdity of it almost made him laugh. He felt the hand on his back linger a little longer and then Dean’s voice close to his ear. ‘Be good while I’m gone.’ With that Dean turned away and shut the bathroom door behind him.

Castiel just stood there, listening to Dean walking through the room next door, grabbing his keys and exiting the motel room, followed by the clicking of the front door being locked. He heard a car’s engine rev and then slowly fade. Only then did he walk over to the mirror hanging over the sink in the bathroom’s grimy corner, the towel still gripped tightly. He assessed the damage done to him (at least that on the outside and only on his upper body) and besides a bruised cheekbone and a tear on his bottom lip he was fine. And wasn’t _that_ a funny thought. He was so far from fine than he ever was before.

With a sigh, he tossed the towel over the bathtub rim. What was he supposed to do? How could he get out of here without Dean hurting Sam over it and anyone else the demon came across in the meantime? He had to think of _something_. But first he had to get this feeling of filth off of him, so he turned and went into the shower.

When he was done showering, he stepped out and used the previously discarded towel to dry himself off. The shower had only helped a little in lifting his spirits but he took whatever he could right now. With the towel wrapped around his waist, he cautiously opened the door to peek outside. There he saw Dean sitting at the table, eating a half wrapped burger. He slowly pushed the door open and stepped on the carpeted floor. Dean either didn’t notice or ignored him, so Castiel approached him warily, one hand at the knot in his towel. Just when he was about to open his mouth, Dean gestured at the seat across from him.

So he really expected him to sit down and eat with him like this? Fine. He sat in the chair and put both hands in his lap, glaring at the demon across from him. The towel was wet and cold and he disliked sitting on it in the hard chair. Dean didn’t seem to care and wordlessly shoved the paper bag with the greasy food towards the angel.

When Castiel didn’t reach for any of it, Dean looked up, swallowed and wiped his mouth on a napkin. ‘Eat.’ He said and crumpled the cheap paper napkin in his fist. Castiel’s gaze automatically dropped to the noise, then immediately shot back up, a frown on his face.

‘Demons don’t eat human food.’ Was all Castiel answered. Dean only chuckled.

‘It’s all about _pleasure_ , Cas.’ He said, while reaching for some fries. ‘I thought you had figured that out by now.’

The remark made Castiel extremely uncomfortable and any appetite he might have previously had, vanished in an instant. His hands fisted in the moist material of his towel before he told Dean that he wasn’t hungry. Dean only shrugged and ate some more.

‘You might want to reconsider. Because, unlike me, you _do_ need food to survive.’ He stuffed another fry in his mouth and made a show of sucking his fingers clean, emitting loud popping noises. ‘And to keep your strength.’ He continued. ‘You will need it.’ He added with a wink.

Somehow, _that_ was the last straw. Before he could think it over, Castiel stood up abruptly, sending his chair crashing to the ground. ‘Stop it! I am so sick and tired of your twisted games. I don’t care what you do with me, fucking do it and then kill me. I can’t stand to see you like this anymore, Dean.’ He deflated somewhat after that last admission and had to grip the table’s edge for support. ‘Just—do it or… don’t. I only want this to be over.’

He immediately regretted his outburst, though and didn’t dare look up to see Dean’s presumably fuming expression, so instead he opted for staring at his hands clawing at the table. He heard the ruffling of another napkin, the shuffling of a chair and then the rustling of Jeans getting closer, along with dull footsteps. A pair of worn boots came into his field of vision, followed by Dean’s hand on his chin tilting his head up.

‘This isn’t about what _you_ want.’ Dean started backing him up, Castiel had to stumble backwards along with him to avoid falling on his ass. ‘This is about what _I_ want. And right now,’ he tilted his head in a quick laugh ‘You make me wanna do it all.’ He started drawling out his sentences, he was getting excited. ‘I’ve been very considerate so far. Gentle even. Maybe I should just say _screw it_ and take you right away, huh?’

Castiel could feel something solid behind him and he was pushed over to sit on the edge of the bed again, just like in the position he had first found himself in here. Dean’s grip on his chin tightened and his other hand was pushing the towel on Castiel’s thigh higher up. ‘Think you can handle that, big boy?’ Dean was so close again, Castiel had trouble breathing around the heartbeat in his throat. He didn’t answer, so after a few more seconds Dean pulled away and dismissively said ‘Didn’t think so.’ Then he went back to the table to take a sip from his beer.

Castiel sat there, trying to calm his racing heart. His nervous eyes kept darting back to Dean, who was searching in his duffel bag again. He suddenly turned around and tossed something at Castiel, who reflexively caught the pair of sweatpants. ‘Put them on or not, I don’t care.’ Dean said and sat back down in his chair to nurse his bottle of beer.

Castiel looked at the dark grey material of the sweatpants in his lap and he was suddenly hit with a wave of grief. Dean had possibly worn these to bed on multiple occasions and he had been his old self at that time. His friend. Castiel turned his gaze away from the table, got up to remove the towel around his waist and quickly stepped into the sweatpants. They fit him. Somehow, knowing that he wore Dean’s clothes made him feel queasy. Would the real Dean be fine with this? _How can you think like this right now?_ He asked himself. _The Dean you used to call your friend is gone. Replaced by this murdering, raping monster of a demon._

He shied away from the thought, couldn’t bear to think of Dean like this, even though he knew it to be true. The fact that he hadn’t been given a shirt or underwear only fueled his nervousness and he tried calming himself down by thinking of ways to contact Sam. Maybe once Dean was busy with his tools or when he was out to get food again could he try to call him with Dean’s cellphone. Although he was certain that Sam’s phone had been taken away upon his abduction. Still, it was worth a shot. Even if only to rule out that possibility.

The sound of the TV interrupted Castiel’s musings, an old black and white western was on. Dean had moved over to the small couch in the middle of the room which was facing the television and away from the exit, his legs were propped up on the low coffee table in front.

‘You wanna watch some Clint Eastwood?’ Dean called over his shoulder after taking a swig from his beer. Castiel looked up at him and back down at his own hands.

‘I’d rather not.’ He answered quietly and decided to lay down on the bed he was sitting on. He turned his back towards the noise and curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around him to keep warm. He didn’t feel like going beneath the covers, he didn’t plan on falling asleep anyway. He was just glad to be left alone for the moment. His thoughts went back to Sam and his stomach twisted. What had Dean done to his brother? Sam had been hurt already, his arm in a sling. A feeling of hopelessness spread inside of him, imagining Sam in a dungeon, chained to a wall and beaten bloody.

‘God. Where are you?’ He quietly prayed into the semi darkness of the room, gripping his arms tighter. ‘We need you. Help Dean… please.’ He screwed his eyes shut and repeated the words in his head once more.

‘Just go to sleep, Cas.’ Dean called with annoyance from across the room and Castiel was startled momentarily, then remembered that demons have exceptional hearing. He hadn’t thought of that. With a huff he turned on his back and sneaked a glance at the demon on the couch. Go to sleep with a demon mere feet away from him? His body _was_ weary, though. He couldn’t lift his arm without his muscles shaking at the small effort.

Faint lights were flickering in the small motel room, creating shadows that danced along the faded wallpapers. Castiel watched them and felt his eyes droop, while listening to the faint sound of horses and shooting pistols. Before he fell asleep, one thought came to his mind. _There is only one bed in the room_.


	4. Cause I came here so you’d come for me

Castiel woke up with a jerk. His heart was hammering in his chest and he needed a few seconds to become aware of his surroundings. _Kidnapped by demonic Dean_ , he remembered and lay back with a shaky exhale, rubbing his eyes with his left hand. He looked around but saw no one. That was his cue to get a hold of Dean’s phone.

He got up quietly and peered out of the window behind the yellow curtains. Dean’s car was gone, so he quickly went over to the table with the duffel bag underneath. He searched through the entire bag before he noticed the jacket hanging over the chair. Blood rushing in his ears, he reached into the first pocket and found the phone. A feeling of relief and exhilaration washed over him, then he unlocked the smartphone’s screen to search through Dean’s contacts. He found Sam’s name above a few Samanthas and Sandras and tapped on it. Then he held the phone to his ear and waited for the dialing tone with bated breath.

‘... _please leave a message after the tone.’ Beep_. Damnit. Castiel was quiet for a second, then he took a deep breath and told Sam’s mailbox about his predicament.

‘Sam, it’s me. Dean… he–he caught me and brought me to this motel. He told me that he has you locked up somewhere, too. If you manage to hear this, just know that I will get out of here and come for you. I will find a way to hold Dean and bring him back. Just hold out until—’ He heard a car engine getting closer and he hurriedly hung up before stuffing the phone back into the jacket’s pocket.

He dashed towards the bathroom and shut the door behind him, catching his breath. That was close, if Dean had caught him… He didn’t want to think about that. The sink beckoned with refreshing cold water and he went to splash some in his face. After drying himself off on a nearby towel he looked at himself in the mirror only to nearly die of shock at seeing Dean behind him in the door, covered in blood.

He whirled around and had to hold on to the sink behind him. ‘What—Dean, what did you _do_?’ He asked him with wide eyes. Dean frowned at him as if he had no clue what Castiel was talking about, but after catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror he grinned and said ‘Oh you mean this?’ He motioned to his entire blood-stained front. ‘Yeah, I had to make a little visit this morning.’ He licked his upper teeth obscenely and started advancing towards Castiel.

Castiel darted to the side, away from him and found himself in the other corner of the bathroom. Dean rolled his eyes and said ‘Relax. I just want to wash this off.’ He bent down and opened the tap, then proceeded to wash his hands and forearms, followed by his face and neck. After drying his hands he turned back around to Castiel. ‘Be grateful, I am only doing this for you. I know how you hate to see blood on me, you always healed me as quickly as possible.’ Castiel had to bite back his remark about the demon’s ‘considerations’ and ‘thoughtfulness’.

‘Who did you… who’s blood is this?’ Castiel asked in a small voice. He had a feeling he didn’t want to know but couldn’t help his curiosity. Dean turned around and left the room without another word and Castiel followed him inside the living area. ‘Tell me!’ He demanded, louder this time. He kept his distance, so when Dean finally turned around to address him he found himself pressed to the wall behind him fairly quickly.

‘You’re getting awfully cocky here, Cas. Can’t say I appreciate your tone.’ Dean’s hand was around Castiel’s neck and twitched with the longing to break some bones. ‘It’s none of your goddamn business who I kill or maim. So why don’t you keep your pretty mouth shut and let me do my thing, hm?’ He brought his other hand up to brush Castiel’s cheek in mock tenderness. ‘Or are you offering?’ He crowded him against the wall even more so his blood encrusted shirt scratched against Castiel’s bare chest. ‘Don’t. Fucking. Tempt me.’ He growled, but then let go after staring at Castiel with black eyes for a few more seconds, making sure he got his message across.

Castiel sunk to the ground, one hand holding his throat. He had given up hope on getting an answer but then Dean squatted down before him and smiled eerily. ‘But I guess I’m still in a good mood from getting to _play_ all night.’ He looked Castiel up and down. ‘So I’ll tell you.’ He made sure he had the other’s complete attention before going on with a grin. ‘I have visited little Sammy, actually. He told me to say hi.’

The quiet room became a buzzing sound in Castiel’s ears, while he stared into the demon’s eyes in front of him. It couldn’t be. What had Dean done? That was too much blood, too _much_. He looked at the shirt again and only saw red. _Red red red_. So much _red_. He launched himself at Dean with a cry, hitting and clawing at whatever he could reach. Momentarily startled, Dean took a few hits to the chest before grunting and punching Castiel straight in the stomach. The angel wheezed and doubled over but used his new position to run forward and tackle Dean to the ground.

Both landed some nasty punches but when it was over, Castiel ended up on his back with a bloody nose and ringing in his ears. With a pained moan he shielded his face from more hits but only felt his arms being seized in a steel grip. Dean pulled him up and pushed him on the bed, followed by him straddling Castiel’s legs and holding his wrists down.

‘Alright Cas, you were asking for it.’ Dean spat in his face and went to pull down the other’s sweatpants.

‘No!’ Castiel cried out and tried to hold on to them but Dean only swatted his hands away and had the pants down in one swift movement. Castiel kept struggling, trying to dislodge the heavy weight above him to no avail. With a roar, Dean shot forward to put both hands around the angel’s throat, squeezing in warning.

‘You know what’s even funnier than your little outburst just now?’ Dean huffed in his face. Then he reached back with one hand, fishing in his jeans pocket. Castiel watched with wide eyes, holding onto Dean’s hand around his neck, desperately trying to remove it but he might as well have tried to move a brick wall with his little toe. He saw Dean take out a cellphone and holding it in front of his face, he pushed a few buttons before turning it around for Castiel too see.

He must have put the phone on loudspeaker because the next thing Castiel heard was his own voice.

_Sam, it’s me. Dean… he–he caught me and brought me to this motel. He told me that he has you locked up somewhere, too. If you manage to hear this, just know that I will get out of here and come for you. I will find a way to hold Dean and bring him back. Just hold out until—_

_End of message_ , the lady’s voice said. It was quiet once again, Castiel could only hear his own heartbeat and rasping breath. _Oh no. No no no no_. It couldn’t be. He had called _Dean_? Had Dean set him up and expected Castiel to make that call?

All the fight left him and he let his arms fall to the side, closing his eyes in defeat.

  
‘Yeah, that was my other phone you called. It did belong to Sam once, though. That’s why it’s still saved as ‘Sam’ in my contacts.’ Dean explained and carefully laid the phone down on the rumpled sheets. ‘Tell me, how did you plan on holding me, exactly?’ With his free hand he reached down to unbutton his jeans, then he pulled out his half-hard dick. The sound of the zipper startled Castiel back into opening his eyes. His breath caught at the sight before him and he knew that this was it. He was going to be raped by his friend, turned demon.

The hand around his neck loosened its hold and brushed down Castiel’s chest, scratching over a nipple.

‘Did you plan to overpower me?’ Dean asked him quietly, using his other hand to stroke the belly before him, then both his hands smoothed back up and outwards along the other’s arms. He took a hold of Castiel’s wrists again and brought his arms down to his sides, then shifted forward to sit on his chest, caging him between his legs.

‘To tie me up?’ His voice dropped lower and Castiel came face to face with Dean’s arousal. Dear Lord, but he has never been presented with something like this before. Castiel turned his head to the side, trying to get away from the proud erection jutting from Dean’s pants.

‘Tell me, Cas!’ Dean insisted and guided the head of his dick to the corner of Castiel’s mouth. ‘How did you plan on doing this when I overpower you _every damn time_?’ Dean used one hand to grab a fistful of Castiel’s hair and used his hold on it to keep it still while he pushed his cock at the other’s closed lips. Dean watched Castiel clench his jaw, not at all willing to let Dean inside. The demon only barked a short laugh and _pulled_ on Castiel’s hair.

Castiel cried out in pain, his eyes watering. Dean used the opportunity to push forward and inside the warm mouth below him.

‘And don’t even _think_ of biting, buddy.’ Dean panted and let go of his own dick to reach behind him and take Castiel’s balls firmly in hand, tugging at them for emphasis. The demon’s cock hit the back of his throat and he gagged. Dean didn’t care though and kept on thrusting in and out of his mouth. Castiel felt his own drool drip down his chin and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep the sting in his eyes at bay. After a few agonizing minutes, Dean withdrew and grabbed for his previously discarded phone on the bed. Castiel watched him through blurring eyes and tried to catch his breath.

‘Let’s invite someone to the party.’ Dean said casually and dialed a number. He had the phone on loudspeaker again because Castiel could hear the dial up tone loudly echoing through the room. Oh god no. Castiel didn’t know what was going on anymore. Before he could do anything though, he heard someone answer.

‘ _Dean?_ ’ It was Sam.

‘Sam!’ Dean called out and Castiel was speechless, for the demonic entity in front of him sounded so distraught and sincere, Castiel felt it pulling at his heartstrings. ‘Sam, you have to help me.’ Dean continued and motioned for Castiel to keep silent with a wink. That only served to remind the angel to speak up and warn Sam, so he opened his mouth to do just that. But quick as lightning, Dean shoved his cock back inside Castiel’s mouth, effectively hushing him.

‘ _Dean, where are you?_ ’ Sam’s booming voice rang through the room.

Dean told Sam their exact location and then, after a groan (which sounded like he was in pain but in truth was caused by his dick pistoning in and out of Castiel’s mouth) he said ‘I can barely see through this haze, Sammy. You need to come and cure me of this.’ And then he closed his eyes in pleasure and moaned ‘ _Please!_ ’ Which must have sounded like unbearable pain to Sam who quickly answered him.

‘ _Of course, I’ll be there as soon as possible_.’ All the while Castiel was struggling to breathe around the rod silencing him, he could only manage faint grunts and gasps and was forced to taste Dean’s salty musk and his own blood running down from his nose.

Dean hung up and tossed the phone to the side, snickering to himself. ‘Sammy is always so easy to manipulate, he’d do anything for his big brother. Even walk into an obvious trap.’ He never stopped thrusting and Castiel was sure he’d black out any minute. But then Dean pushed hard once more and spilled into his mouth with a loud grunt.

While Castiel spat, coughed and wheezed, Dean stuffed himself back into his pants and traced the other’s lips with a forefinger. ‘I’ve always wanted to do that. You have perfect cock sucking lips.’ Then he got up and rubbed his hands with a cheery expression. ‘Let’s get everything ready for Sammy’s arrival then.’ He said to no one in particular and went into the bathroom.


	5. I’m hoping you can save me now, but you break and fold

****

Once he had caught his breath, Castiel had to sit up and wipe his mouth on the back of his hand. One thought kept screaming in his head. _Dean had lied, Sam was safe. For now_. He couldn’t feel relief though because he knew Sam was on his way here right at this moment and he would arrive soon. Had he actually fallen for his brother’s lie?

Slowly, he drew his legs up and sat cross-legged on the rumpled sheets, his hands brushing through his face and hair once, then he folded them on top of his head and lay both elbows on his knees. With closed eyes he tried to think of a way to warn Sam or just what to do in general. But the only thing he saw in his mind’s eye was Dean’s face full of pleasure when he moaned into the telephone. With a curse he fell back in the pillows and looked around the room. There on the table he noticed a bag of bread, some cheese and cold cut next to a bottle of ketchup. There was also a water bottle and he felt a pang of thirst. Dean must have brought that in earlier. Had he gone shopping covered in blood?

Castiel shivered at the thought and got up cautiously from the bed. On his way over to the table he winced when he put too much weight on his twisted ankle. He looked down and noticed a considerable amount of swelling. Great. He retrieved his discarded pants from the floor and put them on slowly, then he hobbled the rest of the way and caught the table’s edge, then slowly eased into the chair next to it. His gaze skipped over the food and landed on the water bottle again. He grabbed for it and after twisting the cap open he downed half of its contents in one go.

He sat in the chair and wondered when things had gone south so suddenly. (Because he refused to think about what just happened.) _That damned Mark of Cain and stupid Crowley. If it hadn’t been for them, none of this would have happened_. He took another sip from the bottle, and didn’t turn around when he heard Dean exit the bathroom.

‘So you lied to me.’ Castiel said gravelly. There was a longer pause, then he heard ruffling and when he finally turned around he saw Dean naked as the day he was born, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. Dean only looked at him, then at the water bottle in his hand and then Castiel saw how Dean tried to suppress a smirk. It made him squint his eyes in suspicion. ‘What?’ He asked.

‘Oh nothing. Enjoying your drink?’ Confused, Castiel looked at the bottle, then back at Dean, who had gotten way closer than before. Castiel got out of his chair, mindful of his ankle, and already went for the table edge for support, only to notice that he needed it a lot more than before. In fact, the room started spinning and he heard the blood rushing in his ears. Had he gotten up too quickly? That had been a weird new human experience for him, learning to give his body time to adjust to certain situations.

But the spinning didn’t stop and before he could tumble to the ground he fell into waiting arms. He could feel the other’s chuckle more than hear it.

‘I hadn’t planned for you to drink that before my brother arrived but, oh well.’ Dean said and hauled him over back to the bed.

‘What did—did you give me?’ Castiel asked sluggishly while trying to get his feet beneath him. When he was finally on the bed, Dean leaned over him and studied his face.

‘It’s just a little something to relax you.’ Then he lay down half atop Castiel and started kissing his jaw, up the side of his face and when he reached Castiel’s lips, he licked them once.

‘You… drugged me.’ Castiel said slowly and already his eyes were closing and a sigh escaped him. Dean’s ministrations felt… nice. Pleasant, even. It felt wrong, but also good. Dean was so gentle, he couldn’t sort his thoughts. How he wanted him to be the old Dean, his friend.

Dean was still lingering over him and when he closed the distance between them, Castiel kissed him back. It was a lazy kiss at first, then it became more passionate as the drugs stripped Castiel of all his inhibition. Castiel’s arms came up to grip at Dean wherever he could, pulling him close. He became desperate for Dean’s touch, his warmth, which became clear when he started mewling and keening between kisses.

‘Damnit, Cas!’ Dean broke their kiss and panted lightly. ‘Had I known this would have such an effect on you, I’d have used it by now.’ He licked his lips and brushed his hand over Castiel’s straining erection. The angel moaned in pleasure and denial, tossing his head from side to side.

‘You’re so wanton, so good for me.’ He leaned down for a last kiss, then reluctantly pulled away. ‘It’s too bad I can’t take care of you now. But Sammy could be here any minute and I need to prepare.’ He left the bed and Castiel watched him go and put on new clothes. He still felt hot and needy, it was such a weird sensation. With a keen, Castiel tossed around on the bed, searching for something but finding nothing, so he cried out in need.

‘Dean!’ He called in distress. He didn’t really know what he wanted from him though, so he quickly shut his mouth. But Dean had heard him and came back to the bed.

‘Here, this will help you sleep it off.’ Dean said and gave Castiel the water bottle he had drank from earlier. Castiel took it without question and downed the rest of it. The bottle dropped to the floor and Castiel curled into a ball on his side, holding onto himself. He felt himself becoming sleepier and calmer and finally he drifted off.

Castiel dreamt of blackness swallowing green trees, then blue skies and finally brown earth. In the distance there was thunder, coming closer, getting ever louder. It was rhythmic, seemed to talk to him. _Cas, Cas!_ It was calling for him. _Cas, wake up!_ Castiel opened his eyes and found himself looking into the concerned face of Sam.

‘Sam?’ Castiel asked incredulously.

‘Cas, hey are you alright?’ Sam asked quickly and held the angel by one shoulder.

‘Sam! How—when—Dean!’ Castiel looked around frantically searching for the demon.

‘It’s alright, Cas. I’ve got him.’ Sam said seriously and stepped away from the bed, helping Castiel up into a sitting position.

‘But how?’ He had to know! How could Sam have known of Dean’s plan?

‘I will tell you later. Now we have to get you out of here.’ Sam said and handed him a t-shirt, which Castiel pulled over his head. After that, Sam gently helped him up, then noticed the other’s wince when he put weight on his leg. ‘Are you alright?’ He repeated himself and Castiel nodded automatically, but then told him about his twisted ankle. ‘Ok, let me help you out to the car.’ Sam offered and put his good arm behind Castiel’s back, the angel’s left arm around his shoulders. ‘Let’s go, easy now.’

Together they made it slowly to the front door of the hotel, Castiel let his gaze wander over the motel room one last time, noticing how all of Dean’s stuff was gone. But not the food on the table. Then they were outside and he had to shield his eyes from the brightness of the midday sun. There it stood. Dean’s chevy impala. Castiel’s heart hurt at the memory of Dean inside the driver’s seat, giving him a lazy smile.

Sam helped him around the car and held the door open for him. He carefully sat down and swung both legs inside, then the door was closed and he could watch Sam walk all the way around the front of the car to the driver’s side. Once he had gotten in, Sam turned the keys in the ignition and with a glance at Castiel they drove away. It was a quiet drive and Castiel was thankful for it. But at a red light in some small town, Sam broke the silence.

‘How are you, Cas? What… what did he do to you?’ Sam looked at him, while gripping the steering wheel tightly with one hand.

Castiel just stared at Sam. How much could he know? What had he seen of his body? Could he have seen any evidence of what had happened in these last few days? Had Dean told him? Was he ready to talk about this? Instead of answers, a million questions were warring in his head. He turned his head to look straight ahead once more and collected himself.

‘I’m alright, Sam.’ He said, and really, it wasn’t a lie, right? He was just a little worse for wear because of his initial fight with Dean. His ankle, yeah that needed some healing. But the rest of his body was fine. Maybe his mind needed a little longer to get over these past events but that was his problem and shouldn’t be put on Sam’s shoulders. ‘I’ll be fine.’ He concluded and fiddled with his hands in his lap.

Sam looked at him a little longer, then he turned back around with a small sigh. The rest of the short drive was silent again, only when they pulled up in front of the bunker did Sam speak up again.   
‘There we are. I’ll come around and help you out again.’ Sam offered and exited the car. On their way down the bunker’s stairs, Castiel almost slipped, but Sam managed to balance their combined weight and brought them down safely.

‘Thank you.’ Castiel said gravelly and sat down in one of the chairs around the big table in the library. Now was the time to ask the big question.

‘So how did you...capture Dean? He planned something for you, I am surprised by this outcome.’ Castiel asked curiously.

Sam looked down and tried to hide his playfully hurt expression. ‘Thanks for giving me so much credit, Cas.’ He said when he looked at Castiel again. ‘I always thought myself the thinker of the family.’ He went and sat down across from the angel and put his good arm on the table. ‘Dean had gotten too full of himself, actually. I think this power-high of his started to cloud his better judgement and his… opinion of me.’ He leaned back in his chair. ‘When he called me, I knew something was off. But I hadn’t thought he would actually try and trick me in this obvious way.’

Castiel listened with a contemplating frown, then said ‘I was… there, when he called you. I am sorry I didn’t warn you.’

‘Hey, it’s alright. I can take care of myself. I know my brother and that wasn’t him who had called me. It was the damn demon inside him.’ Sam’s mouth twisted in anger and disgust.

‘But it _is_ him, Sam. I know it’s hard to accept, but—’

‘Yeah. I know.’

They sat in silence for a few seconds, then Sam took a breath and continued.

‘I wasn’t very far from your location, so I got some supplies and drove to the motel afterwards. Of course I knew he had planned a trap for me, but I had to have thim think I didn’t know, so I parked the impala in front and knocked at the door. Nobody answered, though so I tried the handle and it opened. Once I was inside the motel room I was instantly attacked by him.’

Castiel sat a little straighter, shifting in his seat. ‘So I threw some rock salt in his face and wrestled him to the ground, where I put some special handcuffs on him.’

Castiel stared at the hunter across from him. ‘That was it? You were able to overpower him just like that?’ He asked incredulously.

Sam only shrugged, then smiled. ‘Yeah, I guess.’

The angel got up from his chair and wanted to start pacing, but couldn’t take three steps without hissing through his teeth.

‘What happened to your ankle? Do you want me to take a look at it?’ Sam was half-way up already when Castiel leaned against the table with a frown.

‘No, it’s fine. I just have to be more careful with it.’ Castiel grit out. ‘Where is Dean?’

Sam regarded him thoughtfully, then took a step closer to him. ‘Are you sure you want to see him right now? Why don’t you go take a shower first and maybe rest for a while. I will take care of him.’

‘No, I… I want to see him now.’ A part of Castiel couldn’t bear the thought of Dean being tied up somewhere, even if it was demonic Dean at the moment. He still felt responsible for him, that need to protect was still strong. He turned to look at Sam with pleading eyes and saw the other clench his jaw once before sighing in defeat.

‘Fine. Come then.’ Sam went to him and wound his arm around the angel’s back once more. Together, they made their way down the corridors of the bunker.

With every step he took, Castiel felt a chill spreading in his bones and his breath became shorter. He could practically feel the demon’s presence through the bunker walls, getting closer. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Before he could chicken out though, they rounded a last corner and stood in front of the heavy iron doors to the dungeon. Castiel released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and looked at Sam, who, thankfully, didn’t ask again if he was sure about this.

The hunter made sure that Castiel was able to stand on his own, then went to the double doors and opened them. While Castiel watched him step inside and turn on the lights, he willed his frantically beating heart to calm down. Then his gaze instantly fell on the person sitting in the chair in the middle of the sparsely furnished room.

Dean raised his head with a smirk and black eyes were trained on Castiel.   
‘Knew it was you, Cas. I could hear your heartbeat through all the concrete and steel. Miss me already, baby?’ He asked seductively.

Castiel still stood in front of the iron doors and kept looking at Dean with a strange sense of uneasiness. Sam was looking at him with questioning eyes. _Do you want to leave?_ Was the unspoken question. Castiel took a deep breath, clenched his teeth and limped over the threshold carefully, holding Dean’s challenging gaze. Sam had went over to the single table in the room, which bore a bag and a cooler.

Sam and Castiel both ignored Dean and instead went around the table, where Sam opened the cooler to reveal several syringes with a dark red liquid inside.

Castiel raised his eyes to Sam’s in query. Sam dropped his gaze again to pick a syringe up and show it to Castiel. ‘Purified blood.’ He said, then he turned around to Dean.

‘Aw, come on Sammy. You know I hate shots.’ Dean said offhandedly, but was still watching Castiel, who had to look away to see what Sam was doing. Sam was walking over to his brother, who was cuffed to the chair and straining against the bonds. Slowly, Sam brought the needle to Dean’s arm and injected him. Instantly, Dean roared, his demonic voice echoing through the dungeon. He must have been in pain. Castiel had to suppress his instinct to go forward and help. He had to consciously hold himself back and retreated a little further into the shadows, hugging himself.

‘Nnggha!’ Dean ground out and with a black eyed manic expression he looked at Sam, then at Cas hiding in the shadows. ‘Come on out, little angel.’ He called out, but winced in pain. ‘Why are you hiding?’ A strangled laugh left him. ‘Are you scared? I am bound, wasn’t that what you wanted? Come and tell me everything you wanted to say since our first night together. Or better yet— _do_ all the things you wanted to do.’ He licked his lips and let his eyes wander over to Sam. His brother had grown uneasy, shifting in place.

Castiel felt his cheeks burn and his stomach drop. Of course Dean would bring that up. He decided to stand his ground and quietly answered him. ‘I only want you cured, Dean. You know I wish you no harm.’

Dean barked a laugh. ‘Sure. I forgot whom I was talking to. The great Castiel, angel of the lord and all that shit. Only that you’re not a real angel anymore, sweetheart. I would know, it was so easy getting you out of that ridiculous tax accountant outfit.’ He licked his bottom lip and went on. ‘Don’t be embarrassed, Cas. It is no shame to surrender to a demon. Especially when you did it so beautifully.’ He practically moaned that last bit and Castiel had to swallow and grip his arms tighter.

‘That’s enough, Dean.’ Sam thundered and shielded Castiel from Dean’s view with his body. ‘Don’t make me muzzle you.’ He warned and Castiel could see Dean’s eyes crinkle in amusement.

‘My, my, Sammy. I never knew you were of the kinky type.’ Dean leered but was cut short by another dose of purified blood into his neck. His scream sent shivers down Castiel’s back and he decided that this was enough for today. He retreated further into the shadows and finally left the dungeon behind. 


	6. I’m begging you to keep on haunting me

_ Thunk! Thunk!  _

Castiel was walking through the forest again, but this time the darkness was already covering everything, all the leaves were black, the ground full of ash. When he looked up at the sky there was a black sun staring down at him, surrounded by clouds of smoke in a starless midnight sky. He was barefoot, his feet blackened by soot.

_ Thunk! Thunk! _

He heard the sound again and turned around to make out where it was coming from but it seemed to resonate from within him. He raised his hand to put it on his chest and he actually felt a beating rhythm, but he could tell that it wasn’t his heartbeat. It was too hard, too malicious and terrifying. 

_ Thunk! _

The beating stopped and Castiel opened his eyes to the darkness of his room. He got up slowly, rubbing his right eye and spotted a faint red light streaming in through the crack beneath his door. He left the bed and made his way over to the door, reaching out for it with both hands. After feeling his way to the handle, he pushed it down to open the door. He was met with red light illuminating the hallway. 

_ That’s weird _ , he thought, then looked down both sides of the corridor in confusion. He let go of the door and decided that finding Sam would be the best idea. But he didn’t know for how long he had slept and wasn’t sure where Sam would be right now. _ Look for him where you last saw him _ , he thought to himself and went left in the direction of the dungeon. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to see Dean again, but this current red light situation made him uneasy. 

As he got closer to the dungeon, he noticed a crack in the wall right at a corner he was about to take. It was pretty deep and there was still debris lying beneath it on the ground, so it must have been fresh. What was going on? His steps quickened and as he approached the dungeon he felt Dean’s presence again, looming over him like a shadow. He grit his teeth and rounded a last corner when he heard something shuffle behind him. He whirled around and saw Dean standing there with a hammer in his hand and terrifying black eyes staring at him. 

‘Hello, sweetheart.’ Dean leered. 

Castiel stumbled backwards in surprise and fright, but managed to catch himself on the wall, then he made a mad dash for the other direction, trying to run as fast as he could with his bad ankle. The hallway was rushing past him and he took turns at random, hoping to shake the demon somehow and taking the strain from his injury. He felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins and his heart nearly beat in his throat.  _ Run, run, run!  _ His mind kept screaming at him.  _ But where? _ He wanted to scream back. Everything was illuminated in red. Red lights at the ceiling flashing and only dimly lighting his way. 

Suddenly he found himself in a storage room, dark and dusty. What now? He froze and listened to any sounds Dean might make behind him. But he didn’t hear anything save his blood rushing in his ears. Still, his mind and body kept telling him  _ danger danger danger _ . It kept filling him with anxiety and drove him to get further in, hiding beneath a table among cobwebs and old cardboard boxes. His ears were straining for any sounds, while he wrapped his arms around his legs in front of him, gripping tightly and trying to calm his nerves. 

‘Hiding again?’ He heard the call from Dean not too far away and Cas immediately hugged himself tighter, making himself as small as possible. ‘Are you scared?’ Dean repeated the words he had used earlier. ‘Don’t be. I don’t bite. Much.’ He laughed at his own joke and Castiel could hear his footsteps now. ‘While I love your spirit, I’m growing tired of chasing you, Cas.’ He went on. ‘Let’s finish this game.’ He called and then Cas saw Dean’s shadow as he stood in the doorframe, casting a black silhouette on the red floor. 

That was it. He had found him. Frantically, Castiel put a hand over his own mouth to quieten his panicked breathing, shuffling further back into the shadow under the table. The sound of footsteps coming nearer made him press his hand down harder, almost suffocating himself because he didn’t dare breathe at all anymore. Then he actually saw Dean’s boots in front of him, walking slowly to the other side of the room, away from Castiel. 

_ Thunk!  _ Castiel jumped and only barely concealed his yelp of surprise. Dean had smashed the hammer into the nearest cabinet, breaking its surface and scattering little boxes and papers on the floor. ‘Come on out now, little angel.’ He made a half turn. ‘I know you’re here. I’ll find you, even if I have to break every single thing in this goddamn room.’

Castiel considered just revealing himself, to attack him, angering Dean enough so he’d kill Castiel quickly but then he remembered Sam and he was sure that Dean actually had him locked up somewhere this time. So he kept quiet, looking around him to maybe find something he could use as a weapon to stun the demon long enough so he might flee. His eyes landed on a crowbar about 4 feet away from him. He would have to be extremely fast to get to it before the demon saw him, but then he noticed that Dean was standing on the other side of the room, his back turned to him. 

On impulse, Castiel crouched forward and extended his arm to reach the crowbar lying next to the table he was hiding under. When he felt the cold metal, a feeling of exhilaration filled him and he took it in both hands when he got up to stand. 

The sound of his shuffling and the metallic clink of the crowbar being dragged over the concrete floor caused Dean to turn around to him. Dean’s gaze fell on the metal bar in Castiel’s hands and a nasty smile grazed his lips. 

_ ‘Now _ you want to fight?’ He asked in amusement. ‘Come on then, little angel. Defend yourself.’ Without another warning, Dean advanced and lifted his hammer-wielding arm only to bring it down on Castiel’s crow bar. The angel needed to take a step back to brace himself against his attacker. But then he brought the bar around in a circle to deflect the next attack. Dean’s swings were brutal, Castiel could feel them jarring his bones. He retreated further back, until his backside hit the wall. Dean didn’t stop and advanced until he had one hand on Castiel’s arm holding the crowbar and his hammer pressing into Castiel’s throat. 

‘Game over.’ Dean sneered and pressed the hammer a little harder for emphasis. ‘Surrender now and maybe I forgive you for siding with my brother.’ 

But Castiel would do no such thing and before Dean could react, he twisted his wrist and smashed the crowbar into Dean’s knees. The demon howled and let go of the angel. Castiel took his chance and dashed to the side, running for the exit. He only made it a few feet until he felt something collide with his shoulder. He let out a scream of pain and fell to the floor, the crowbar flying out of his hand and clattering noisily to the floor.  

Slow and heavy footsteps approached him again, but all he could do was groan. A boot pushed beneath his ribs and turned him on his back so that he was now staring at the demon. 

‘That was fun. But enough foreplay.’ Dean chuckled and bent down to grab Castiel’s hair in one fist, pulling until the other couldn’t stand the pain anymore and grabbed for the hand with his own two. 

‘Ah!’ Castiel cried out and could only stumble along when Dean lead him by his hair through the corridors back to the dungeon. The strain was agony on his scalp and he clawed frantically at the fist holding him. Dean didn’t care, he gave one particularly hard tug and Castiel stumbled over his feet, trying to keep up. His eyes stung with unshed tears. 

After what felt like an eternity, they arrived at the dungeon doors. Dean opened them and pushed Castiel through, where the angel fell in a heap on the floor. He fell on his shoulder where the hammer had hit him and he hissed at the pain. When he looked around he noticed the absence of red light. Instead, it was pitch black in the room, the last rays of light were disappearing as Dean closed the heavy iron doors. Castiel stared into the blackness, his heart hammering loudly and his ears were straining again. 

_ Click _ . The lights came on and Castiel had to shield his eyes from the sudden brightness. He heard Dean’s footsteps coming closer again. By now Castiel’s eyes had adjusted to the lighting and he was able to look up into Dean’s face above him. Dean kept advancing and Castiel felt himself tense up, then he relaxed a little when Dean went past him. He swung his head around and his gaze fell on the chair behind him. There was Sam. Castiel gasped as he took in the state of the younger Winchester. His head hung on his chest and blood was running down the side of his face where it collected at his chin and dropped into his lap. He was crudely tied to the chair with a rope winding around his torso, effectively trapping his bad and his good arm. 

‘Sam!’ Castiel cried out in distress and wanted to get up and check on him but Dean appeared behind his brother and pulled his head up by his long hair. Sam’s eyes were half closed, his mouth hung open, stained red by his own blood. 

‘Heavens, Dean! What have you done?’ Castiel asked in outrage and was finally able to stand up. He looked at the demon with accusing eyes. Dean only barked a laugh. 

‘He had it coming. Should have known not to fuck with me.’ He smiled lasciviously and tried to catch Sam’s eye but his brother was still too far gone to react in any way. Then he let go of Sam’s hair and turned back to Cas, again approaching him. 

‘So,’ he began and cracked his neck absentmindedly. ‘Where were we?’ He asked and closed the distance between them. ‘Right! You were going to apologize for—’ he looked around and made a vague gesture. ‘—all this.’ Then he grabbed Castiel by the collar and pulled him close. ‘And your apology had better be fucking sincere.’ He snarled and stared the angel down. 

Castiel swallowed but couldn’t turn his gaze away from the blood dripping on the floor from Sam’s head wound. He frowned and his eyes slowly shifted to Dean, stopping at his chest. Without thinking, he raised his hands and laid them on the demon before him, over where his heart was supposed to be. Dean tensed and gripped Castiel’s wrists in warning. For a while nothing else happened. Then Castiel took a deep breath. 

‘I am sorry, Dean. I am sorry that you turned into this... monstrosity which doesn’t even stop from hurting his own brother.’ Castiel said loud and clear. Dean’s grip on his wrists tightened. ‘I am sorry that I can’t help you, that I am so useless.’ Castiel balled his hands into fists and pressed them against Dean’s hard chest, he closed his eyes and hung his head. ‘I am… sorry for not being there when you died and became… this.’ After a brief pause, Dean pulled at his wrists and Castiel landed against his chest, while the demon’s hands brushed up along his forearms to rest on his upper arms. They stood there in an awkward half embrace, then Dean used one hand on Castiel’s chin to tilt his head up. 

‘Oh, Cas.’ Dean said softly and brushed his thumb over the angel’s dry lips. ‘You’re not useless.’ His eyes roamed over Castiel’s face and settled on his blue orbs. ‘You’re such a great toy.’ He said in the same loving tone, while his thumb pushed inside Castiel’s mouth and brushed along his teeth to slide back out and across his cheek, leaving a wet trail behind. Castiel had to avert his eyes and he clenched his jaw in bitterness. He had foolishly let his emotions cloud his better judgement. With a sneer of disgust, he tried to get away from the demon, pushed at his chest, but Dean only tightened his hold on him, pulling him close. 

‘Where do you even want to go, huh?’ Dean’s voice became excited, breathy and forceful. Castiel flinched at the words, his eyes meeting Dean’s and the crazed expression on the demon’s face made him shiver. He didn’t know where he wanted to go. Just away from him. He started to struggle, trying to pull his arms out of Dean’s grip. The demon laughed and started pushing him backwards. Castiel had no choice but to come along until he was pushed against the cold concrete wall. Dean crowded him so close that the light from the overhead lamp couldn’t reach him anymore. ‘Maybe I should break your other ankle, so you can’t flee anymore.’ Dean breathed against Castiel’s neck. The angel’s eyes widened in shock, his breathing quickened. ‘You would stay in my bed all day.’ He kissed his neck now, his hands feeling him up. ‘Mine to take whenever I want.’ The hot breath against his ear made Castiel shiver, but before he could say anything to that he heard a muffled moan from across the room. 

‘Leave him alone, Dean.’ Sam mumbled sluggishly. Castiel could feel Dean grow still and saw him smile when he pulled back to address his brother. ‘With us again, Sammy?’ He gave Castiel’s cheek one last lingering caress, then walked over to Sam. The angel found himself slumping against the wall, watching Dean’s swagger as he approached his brother. Sam was slowly moving his head around, trying to get his bearings and figure out where Dean was moving. The demon positioned himself behind his brother and bent down to talk to him. 

‘It’s funny how you think you can tell me what to do, little brother.’ He began and and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder with unnecessary force, rattling Sam’s broken bones. The younger Winchester screwed his eyes shut, winced and groaned. ‘You see, from where I am standing,’ Dean said cheerfully ‘You’re really not in a position to make any kind of demands.’ He finished and squeezed the shoulder before letting go. 

‘ _ God _ , Dean.’ Sam cursed. ‘You’ve always been insufferable. But as a demon you’re just full of shit.’ Sam spat out some of the blood that had collected in his mouth. ‘D’you think I’m scared?’ 

‘Hah!’ Dean exclaimed. ‘That’s rich. You’re so  _ brave _ under pressure.’ He ruffled Sam’s hair. ‘And stupid.’ He added and pushed his head to the side, letting go, while he walked to the other side of him. Sam’s brown hair fell around his head messily and concealed his face but Castiel could still see the frown on his face. He was sure that Sam was in great pain, that head wound looked serious. 

‘It was so damn easy to get you to come to me. All I had to do was play damsel in distress and you came to save the day.’ Dean told him while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

‘Yeah,’ Sam huffed. ‘Only that I overpowered  _ you _ .’ At that, Dean tsked and laughed. 

‘And why do you think that happened? Look at you, you’re a weak human, and hurt.’ Dean told him and crouched down to eye level. ‘How could you have possibly managed that?’ He grinned. Sam’s frown deepened. Castiel felt goosebumps rise on his skin. Oh no. He saw realization spread on Sam’s face, how he clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring. 

‘Yeah.’ Dean concluded. ‘I let you do that so you’d bring me here and we’re all a happy family again.’ At that, Dean slowly turned around to Cas, an eerie smile on his face. 

‘But how would you know how to escape the dungeon?’ Sam asked incredulously. 

Dean shrugged. ‘I didn’t. But I knew I’d figure something out because I know you’d never hurt me and I’d have all the time in the world. Ultimately, it was you who freed me from this devil’s trap with all that purified blood making me less of a demon.’ He ran a finger along Sam’s knee. His brother flinched and drew his legs together. 

‘Stop that!’ Sam shouted and Castiel could see the uneasiness in his demeanor. It was time for Castiel to do something. He looked around the room in search for… anything really. But he came up short. It was as if the room had been picked clean of everything except the chair and table it currently contained. He still had to help Sam somehow. 

‘Dean.’ Castiel called and recoiled at his own wavering voice. The demon side glanced at him, his hand still extended towards his brother. ‘Just let him go.’ 

Dean was looking like Castiel just proposed they all go for a swim. He got up and took a few steps towards the angel. 

‘And why would I do that?’ Dean asked. Of course Castiel had no idea. He was grasping at straws here.

‘You have me. Isn’t that enough?’ Castiel asked him more quietly this time, not wanting to tip Sam off. Dean tilted his head in surprise and contemplation, a slow smile spreading his lips. 

‘Did you hear that, Sam?’ He asked and laughed. ‘Cas is ready to sacrifice himself for you.’ He turned back to the angel. ‘His last noble act.’ His eyes were roaming over Castiel’s body and he licked his lips once. 

‘Cas. Don’t do this.’ Sam pleaded and his look of utter sadness broke Castiel’s heart. It also steeled his resolve and he pushed himself up, away from the wall and took a few steps towards Dean. Yes, indeed this would be his last noble act, let him be of use one last time. Please, let his voice be steady. 

‘I won’t fight you anymore.’ He stared straight ahead, his aching shoulder and ankle momentarily forgotten. Still, shivers ran down his spine at his own words of surrender. He didn’t dare look at Dean’s face, instead he stared at a point on the wall next to it. Dean came closer and now he couldn’t help but look at him. In three long strides he stood before him, eyes narrowed. 

‘Why should I care if you fight? I could take you right now if I wanted to.’ Dean’s eyes were black and his whole expression made Castiel shiver. 

‘But I—I would make you feel good in return.’ Castiel said meekly, he blushed and his gaze dropped. He waited for a reply. When Dean said nothing, he peeked up through his eyelashes to see the demon looking at him with a frown, eyes back to green. Then he was suddenly grabbed and hoisted up onto the nearby table. He landed on it with a thud and a noise of distress. Dean forced his way in between his legs and put both his arms on the table’s surface, caging him hin. Castiel leant away a little, putting his upper body weight on the arm attached to his good shoulder, the other was resting to the side. Castiel could see Sam, who was straining against his bonds futilely. But then Dean spoke to him roughly. 

‘You would give yourself to me? To do with as I please?’ Dean’s hot breath ghosted over his lips. ‘Would you spread your legs for me?’ Dean put one hand on Castiel’s inner thigh, sliding it up while his other hand wound around behind the angel’s neck. 

‘Cas!’ Sam called from across the room. ‘No!’ He tried to get him to take back his ridiculous offer.

‘Sam, please.’ Castiel cried. ‘Don’t make this even harder.’ He pleaded with the younger Winchester, while Dean had reached his pant clad cock with his hand and idly stroked it through the fabric. Castiel had to close his eyes to concentrate on his next words and he couldn’t fathom more than a whisper. ‘I will do it if you let Sam go.’

The demon seemed to consider his words, then he said what Castiel had been fearing. ‘Hmm. If I let him go, how will I know that you’re going to hold up your end of the bargain?’ Dean squeezed him through his pants and Castiel shuddered. 

‘You have my word!’ Castiel said desperately, he almost had him!

‘No, Cas!’ Sam called one last time, but then he addressed his brother instead. ‘Dean. I swear to god, if you hurt him—’

‘Then what?’ Dean had whirled his head around. ‘You’re gonna scold me?’ He sneered. ‘Cas is doing this act of martyrdom only for you.’ He drawled and put his other hand on the side of Castiel’s face, bending towards him. ‘I’ve gotta admit, it makes me kinda jealous.’ He put his lips on the angels’ but didn’t do anything more. Castiel didn’t know what to do, he only closed his eyes. After a while, Dean pulled back and whispered ‘You should show me how ready you are to make good on your promise.’ 

Castiel swallowed and after shooting Sam a last apologetic look, bent forward and put his lips on Dean’s, instantly closing his eyes. Hesitantly, he started moving his lips. Slowly they brushed along Dean’s and he pulled away too soon. He peeked up at the demon’s face to gauge his reaction. Dean looked back at him with a blank expression, morphing into a frown. 

‘That’s it?’ He asked flatly. 

Castiel panicked. ‘N—no, wait I’ll. I will—’ and he surged forward quickly to once again close the distance between them. He pressed his mouth against Dean’s and parted his lips, his tongue flickering out to tentatively lick across Dean’s dry mouth. He felt Dean’s breath in his mouth when he finally opened up and that was his queue to push his tongue inside. His mouth was warm and slick and the feeling of not being dominated for once was nice too. So nice in fact, that he was able to get lost in the kiss. His right hand snaked into Dean’s neck and pulled him closer. 

When their lips finally parted, Dean had moved closer to Castiel, their hips pressed together. Castiel was breathing hard, his hand still at Dean’s neck and they looked at each other with half lidded eyes. 

‘That’s what I’m talking about.’ Dean rumbled and licked his bottom lip, still shiny with spit. Suddenly self-conscious, Castiel pulled his hand back and looked away. He heard a shuffle from the side and saw Sam still struggling with his bonds. This reminded him to finally get him out of here. 

‘So, will you let him go now?’ Castiel asked and shifted hopeful eyes to the demon in front of him. 

‘Well,’ Dean said. ‘This was a great start. But I want to know you’re actually doing this before I let Sammy go.’ He had the audacity to wink. 

Castiel recoiled and pulled away, trying to get their groins to no longer connect. He didn’t get far, though because Dean held onto his hips and pulled him back into him. 

‘Let go!’ Castiel demanded and clawed at the demon’s hands. ‘I did as you told me, it’s your turn to do as you promised.’ Castiel spat through his teeth. 

‘I promised nothing.’ Dean gripped him tighter. ‘I merely suggested.’ Black eyes were staring at Castiel and the angel had to suppress his urge to punch him. After all, what would that gain him? So instead, he set his jaw, angrily breathing through his nose. ‘I’ll tell you one thing, though.’ Dean murmured. ‘Sammy can go if you—’ he bent closer ‘Let me—’ he licked his earlobe ‘Fuck you.’

A violent shiver went through the angel. Of course this was his way of making sure Castiel would deliver. But he had already promised as much and he was still determined to follow through if it meant that Sam would be safe.

  
He screwed his eyes shut and nodded.


	7. ’Cause I’ve done some things that I can’t speak

He didn’t want to open his eyes. Opening them would have meant to face the reality of what he had just agreed to. What he would have happily agreed to a few weeks ago but had been twisted and perverted in the blink of an eye. Yeah sure, he was willing to sacrifice all of him to save someone else, especially one of the Winchester brothers. If only he were able to do that for the older brother. 

He was interrupted in his musings by Dean’s subtle moan. ‘Hmm, wonderful.’ He nosed at Castiel’s cheek. ‘I want you right here.’ He undulated his hips and ground his crotch into Castiel’s. The angel turned his head to the side. 

‘What? Here?’ He asked, taken aback. His eyes darted between Dean and Sam as if to remind Dean of his brother’s presence. The demon smiled. 

‘I’m sure Sammy won’t mind.’ Dean said with a quick glance in his brother’s direction. The angel’s eyes widened at the implication and he started arguing.

‘Please, Dean. We should do this somewhere more...private.’ He fidgeted and frantically thought of further arguments he could present, to make Dean give in. But the other only shook his head.

‘Sorry, but I kinda need Sam here to remind you of your promise.’ And he stroked along Castiel’s chin with a forefinger. ‘Also, I want to see how it fucks him up while I defile you.’ After muttering those words, he turned around to Sam, who was glaring at him with open hostility. Dean shrugged once and added ‘Unless you want me to fuck Sam instead.’ He whispered so only Castiel could hear him.

‘Y—you wouldn’t.’ The angel whispered back in shock. Big blue questioning eyes looked at Dean imploringly and with a grand gesture of goodwill, the demon sighed and winked, then told Castiel to undress. Only now did Castiel notice how cold the room was and he shivered when his hands went to the back of his neck to remove the shirt he was wearing. Unsure of where to put it, he looked around and found Dean’s outstretched hand. He laid the piece of clothing in it and waited for the demon to lay it to the side. With a head gesture, Dean looked at Castiel’s legs.

‘Go on.’ It was a half whisper and the angel could see the hunger in those demonic eyes. Goosebumps broke out on his skin. With cold hands he reached down to his sweatpants to loosen the string, then he looked back up as if to say  _ I can’t do this sitting on the table _ . Dean seemed to understand and stepped a few feet away, giving Castiel the space to get off the surface and to land on his feet carefully. He couldn’t help the quick glance in Sam’s direction. The other was staring daggers at his brother, silently fuming. When Sam noticed Castiel was looking at him, he couldn’t hold back anymore. 

‘Fucking stop this, Dean. What the hell are you doing?’ The younger Winchester started thrashing in his bonds again, causing Dean to scowl. The demon laid a hand over Castiel’s as if to say  _ I’ll be right back _ and went to his brother. Sam was freaking out, his face red and his hair disheveled. It made Castiel want to cry, seeing Sam in such distress over him. He never wanted to cause anyone pain.  _ Shit _ , his eyes began to sting and he angrily wiped at them with his bare arm. By now, Dean had reached his destination and he stopped in front of the chair his brother was tied to. When Sam didn’t stop his struggling, Dean delivered a punch to his face, making Castiel jump in response. 

‘No, stop!’ Castiel called out and was already moving towards the pair. Just then did Dean turn to him and made the angel freeze with an outstretched arm. Sam grunted and spat out more blood. 

‘You will listen to me now, Sammy.’ Dean began and again buried his hand in the blood crusted brown hair, pulling the head back to look in Sam’s eyes. The other tried to look anywhere else but Dean’s next words caused him to lock gazes. ‘If you won’t stop your struggling I will have Cas suck you off.’ He pointed at the angel huddling next to the table, then bent a little closer. ‘Or would you like that, little brother?’ Sam only grunted and clenched his jaw. 

‘Fuck off.’ Sam spat with all the venom he could muster. Dean only laughed, but then his expression transformed into a scowl. 

‘If you don’t stop your struggling I  _ will _ have him do it. Maybe more. Don’t test me.’ Without waiting for a reply, Dean turned back around and left Sam’s side. Before he reached Castiel, Sam spoke softly. 

‘I’m sorry Cas. This is all my fault.’

A feeling of regret, despair, and hopelessness overcame Castiel. How would all this end? The possibility of a cure just seemed to have disappeared altogether. He was hoping against all odds that Dean was going keep his word and let Sam go, there was nothing else he could do. And maybe,  _ maybe _ Sam would be able to find another way, a different approach. He said nothing when Dean stood before him, but he accepted the offered hand and was pulled up and close. His bare skin brushing against the rough cotton of Dean’s clothes made him shiver. Dean caressed his cheek with the back of his hand, trailing down to grab his chin, then leaned in and kissed his lips.  _ Give in!  _ He remembered and he let his mouth go slack so the other was able to lick inside. Kissing Dean felt incredible, his soft lips and that hot breath and moist tongue swirling with his created a warm feeling inside of him and made his brain go fuzzy. When Dean pulled back though, he saw why all of this wasn’t warm and fuzzy at all. Black, shiny orbs were staring at him hungrily and Castiel swallowed. 

‘Before we were so rudely interrupted you were going to get rid of these.’ Dean said and pulled at the waistband of Castiel’s sweatpants.  _ Oh. Right _ . Mustering all his remaining courage, Castiel gripped both his sweatpants and boxers and pushed them down swiftly, staring a hole in the floor. When he stepped out of them, he flung them aside, not caring about such trivialities anymore. His hands immediately flew to his crotch and covered as much as possible, while he turned sideways to Sam, even though he was sure the younger Winchester wasn’t interested in his display. 

‘Uh-uh,’ Dean reached for Castiel’s hands. ‘No more hiding.’ He chided, and with great effort, Castiel removed his hands, balling them into fists at his sides. ‘Good.’ Dean praised and Castiel waited for his touch with bated breath. There was no touching, however, but a command. 

‘Undress me.’  _ Oh man _ , he really wanted him to participate in this. Castiel raised shaking hands to Dean’s shirt and clumsily opened the first button, feeling the demon’s eyes on him. He reached the last one and looked up before pushing the shirt back and down to get it off Dean’s arms. He had to get really close to get the material behind his back and he could feel hot breath on his neck. He tossed the shirt to the side and distanced himself quickly. The next step was even harder. He blanked out a little and mechanically brought his hands to Dean’s belt buckle to undo it. While he pulled at it, Dean swayed with the force of Castiel’s ministrations, a lopsided grin on his face. The angel looked up when he heard Sam’s faint grunt and saw that both brothers were looking at each other, Sam was furious. He quickly finished and unzipped the jeans Dean was wearing to pull them down along with the boxer briefs. The demon stepped out and kicked them aside. Now both of them were naked, but only Castiel shivered in the cold air of the dungeon. Seeing Dean once again standing before him like that somehow made him even more self-conscious of the whole situation. 

‘Dean...please let’s go somewhere else.’ Castiel tried again and shot the demon a pleading look. 

‘Are you uncomfortable?’ Dean asked offhandedly. ‘Because of Sam?’ He came closer. ‘Or because of me?’ A hand found his way to Castiel’s hip and slid up to rest on his shoulder. The casual weight of the hand soon increased when Dean pressed down, and Castiel could only give in by bending his knees and finally coming to kneel on the floor.  _ This can’t be good _ , he thought. Uncertainly, he raised his eyes and saw Dean’s half hard cock before him.  _ This again _ , he thought and tried to brace himself for what was about to happen. Transfixed, Castiel watched Dean take his own cock in hand to stroke it lazily. 

‘Now,’ The demon began. ‘Suck me. It’s all the lube you’re gonna get.’ He finished with an ominous glint in his eye. But Castiel’s mouth had gone dry.  _ Oh god _ . Dean’s hand stroked his hair, then gripped it loosely, guiding his head forward and Castiel could only open his mouth to avoid getting poked in the cheek. The demon’s cock slipped past his lips to rest on the angel’s tongue. Castiel closed his eyes, then his mouth, around the invading shaft. He heard a grunt above him and he swirled his tongue around the dick, trying to get as much moisture on it as he could. Soon, Dean pulled it back out and smeared his cockhead around Castiel’s mouth, wetting the lips with his own saliva. 

A blush appeared on the angel’s cheeks at the degrading position he found himself in. Then he heard a growl and deduced that it must have come from Sam, still sitting bound in the chair. His blush spread to his whole body at the reminder of the younger brother’s presence. 

‘Hmm.’ Dean made an appreciative sound, pushing his cock back in and addressing Sam once more. ‘Sammy. Remember when I called you to come help me?’ He adjusted his grip in Castiel’s hair and didn’t wait for a reply. ‘Cas was sucking my cock back then, too.’ He concluded with a chuckle. His voice changed, became mocking. ‘Come and cure me of this.’ Dean repeated the words he had used on the phone to lure his brother, then shoved his cock deeper into Castiel’s mouth.  _ ‘Please! _ ’ He moaned again. But this time it was obvious that it was in pleasure and not pain. Sam only clenched his jaw and averted his eyes, while Castiel struggled not to gag. 

Spit ran down his chin and his lips kept bumping against Dean’s hand he still had around his dick. His jaw began to ache while he tried to keep sucking. From time to time, Dean reminded him to ‘make it nice and wet’ and the angel frantically tried to conjure up more spit. After a few more agonizing minutes, the cock disappeared and the hand in his hair started pulling him back up to his feet. He hissed in pain at the rough handling and was pushed on top of the table again. 

Without further warning, Dean pushed him flat on his back and spread his legs, moving in between them immediately. Already he could feel the hard and wet erection brushing against his inner thighs and groin and he flinched at the sudden contact, gasping quietly. The hand on his chest didn’t leave and the heat coming off of it stung his cold skin. The other hand was busy positioning the demon’s cock at Castiel’s entrance and when he watched this unfold, the angel felt something inside him break.  _ It’s going to happen. It will happen and you can’t do anything about it. _ He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he blinked but couldn’t stop them from spilling out. Hopelessness and fear made him shiver.

Then he felt Dean’s cock rubbing against his ass and he bit his lip, tears flowing freely now. The demon found his entrance and started to push slowly. Already, this was beyond uncomfortable and Castiel tried angling his hips away instinctively, a quiet sob escaping him. 

‘You’re gonna hurt him!’ The exclamation rang through the room and internally Castiel both thanked Sam for stopping Dean and cursed him for prolonging this. ‘At  _ least _ prepare, damnit!’ Sam cried angrily and Castiel could swear he heard tears clogging the younger Winchester’s throat. 

Dean looked up at Castiel’s face and took a deep breath. He turned to his brother. ‘Relax, I was just teasing him.’ His left hand wandered to the angel’s face, wiping at his tear-streaked face with two fingers, brushing them to his slightly parted mouth and pushed them inside. ‘Make my fingers wet.’ Dean told him and waited for the angel to comply. 

Eyes screwed shut, Castiel once again sucked and swirled his tongue around Dean, making them as wet as possible. Dean kept brushing his thumb through the fresh tears, not waiting for long and pulled his hand away. He quickly brought it down and pressed against Castiel’s entrance again, who shivered and mewled. He breached him, warm and wet and the sensation was weird, new, and slightly uncomfortable. Until it pushed inside even further. Castiel inhaled loudly at the burning pain he now felt, his hands flying down but stopping midway because, no he couldn’t stop Dean. So instead he lay them back down on the table top, balling his hands into fists. 

The finger withdrew a little, then the second one was added and the increase in pressure already felt like too much. But Castiel managed to stay quiet, biting his lip. The wet fingers pushed and rotated inside him, squirming uncomfortably. He desperately wanted to relax, but the more he concentrated on it, the more tense he became. He felt the pain slowly fading to a dull ache, leaving discomfort in its wake. 

Then Dean curled his fingers and touched something inside of him that shot a jolt of pleasure to his dick. Before he could focus on it anymore though, Dean’s fingers pulled away. He heard Dean spit and saw that it landed on his hand that now wrapped around the demon’s cock, shining wetly once more. Again he felt it pressing against his entrance and he held his breath in anticipation and fear. It kept pushing and pushing until the head slipped inside. Reflexively, Castiel’s arms got up and he held onto Dean’s shoulders. Wide, terrified eyes stared at the demon, but Dean only kept pushing and pushing, slightly drawing back again to thrust further inside, finally bottoming out. 

Shaking violently, his tears shining on his face and his hands clawing at Dean’s shoulders, Castiel let out a long wail that ended in a sob. For a long while, Dean just stood there, buried inside Castiel to the hilt. But then he bent down to him. ‘I’ve been waiting so long for this.’ He whispered and Cas only hiccuped in response, too preoccupied with both the physical and mental anguish to give a coherent answer. He closed his eyes and laid his head back onto the hard table surface, trying in vain to relax. He faintly heard sniffing and turned his head to see Sam hunched over in his chair, his shoulders slightly shaking and drops of water falling to the ground.  _ Oh god _ , he thought and he felt the lump in his throat swelling in sadness. He noticed that Dean was also looking at Sam, but with a faint smirk on his lips. Like in a trance, the demon’s head moved around to look at Castiel and biting his lip, his eyes turned black. That was all the angel could make out through the tears blurring his vision. 

And then Dean moved. 

It was like he wanted to pull out Castiel’s intestines, it was terrible. He whimpered and put his arm over his eyes, trying to block it all out somehow. But if course it didn’t help and apparently Dean would have none of that, so he pulled away Castiel’s arm. 

‘No more hiding. I want to see your face.’ Dean said and kept thrusting steadily. Castiel couldn’t keep quiet, even though he tried, for Sam’s sake. He was hoping that this would be over soon, so the younger Winchester could leave this all behind. He thought it couldn’t get worse, but then the demon increased his pace. 

‘Ah!’ Castiel cried and bit down on the back of his hand. ‘Oh god.’ He whispered to himself, the pain was unbearable.  _ Please let it be over soon _ , he thought while he was rocked back and forth, his face and hairline wet with tears. Dean’s right hand wandered to Castiel’s limp cock and started stroking him quickly. It was a weird sensation, the agony and the slow building pleasure were so at odds. The angel’s cock started to show interest, but Castiel couldn’t even be self-conscious over it, Dean had picked up a punishing pace and all he could do was hold on to the table’s edge. Soon his cock stood at full attention and Dean was working him non-stop. The pain in his ass had faded to a dull ache and started to be overshadowed by the pleasure coming from his cock. He moaned. Dean laughed breathily and gave a particularly hard tug at Castiel’s cock, eliciting another moan from the angel.

Castiel felt his orgasm build and all the stress and fear from before melt away. He sobbed and came with Dean’s name on his lips. 

Dean let go of the angel’s cock and instead gripped his hips once more to pound into him, his movements becoming erratic. He bent down and bit into Castiel’s shoulder, thrust once, twice and stilled, pressing into the angel as close as possible. Castiel could feel him pulsing inside him but was distracted by the bite on his shoulder. Soon Dean collapsed on top of him, panting in his ear.

It took a few minutes for both of them to catch their breath, then Dean pulled away a little. ‘Really, Sammy.’ He began and stood up again. ‘You should try this some time.’ He was grinning down at Castiel, making the angel scowl at him. Castiel shoved at Dean’s chest to get him off, but Dean still had a hold on him and he rolled his hips once more, making Castiel gasp and shudder. ‘This was lovely.’ Dean concluded, wiped at Castiel’s wet cheeks and finally moved away, making Castiel squirm in discomfort when he pulled out of him. Immediately, the angel got up and put his hands in his lap, only to hiss at the pain in his ass. He saw Dean was already putting on his clothes again and he was wondering if he could do the same. Before he could do so, however, Dean spoke.

‘Alright, Cas. You held up your end of the bargain, I’m gonna let Sammy go.’ Castiel felt relief wash over him and he exhaled slowly, checking on Sam who wasn’t slumped over anymore but frowned at his older brother with red rimmed eyes. He felt something soft land in his lap and found that Dean had thrown him his sweatpants. He pulled them on immediately, not caring about the wetness on his belly, or maybe ignoring it.

‘Do you actually believe him?’ Sam asked hoarsely. ‘A demon?’ Sam’s gaze landed on the angel and Castiel felt a spike of doubt in his mind. He had so desperately wanted to believe Dean that he shoved the possibility of a lie as far back as he could. He raised questioning eyes to Dean, who was looking at Sam with a sly smile on his lips.

  
‘I will keep my promise.’ Dean told Sam and Castiel while buttoning his shirt. ‘But you need to remember your promise as well, Cas.’ He reminded him and once he was finished getting dressed, he turned to leave the dungeon, not bothering to lock the two up.  _ Where are we supposed to go, anyway? _ Castiel thought with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Then he put on his shirt and went to Sam.


	8. I was as pure as a river

With slow steps Castiel approached Sam, their eyes met and the pain and sadness in the younger Winchester’s eyes drained the last of Castiel’s strength. He fell to his knees heavily, hands reaching out blindly, touching the other’s arms. ‘Sam!’ Castiel began. ‘Are you alright?’

For a while Sam just stared at him, his throat working and his eyes filling with tears. When they spilled over, all he could muster was a broken ‘Cas.’ Now Castiel felt his own eyes sting again and he turned his gaze away so Sam wouldn’t have to see how this affected him. He needed to be strong, strong for Sam. After a few breaths, he summoned the last of his resolve to get back on his feet. Behind Sam, he loosened the bonds that kept him confined to the chair. The dark lines on the floor of the devil’s trap around them seemed to mock him and instead he focused on the task at hand, struggling to get his fingers to cooperate. 

Finally, the coarse rope fell away and with the angel's help Sam was able to move his good arm to uncoil it from around him. Sam got up slowly, one arm shooting out to keep his balance. The hit to his head (with that damn hammer probably) must have still had an effect on him, so Castiel immediately jumped to his side to catch him. They managed to stay upright, Sam clinging to Castiel’s shoulder, now facing him once more. Sam had to close his eyes to keep the vertigo at bay, Castiel assumed and suddenly he found himself in the tight embrace of the Winchester. 

He was startled at first, but then he hugged him back just as much. They stood there for a long time, crying and clinging to each other as if it could heal them from all their pain. ‘I will get you out of here, I promise.’ Sam said through clenched teeth and he pulled away from Castiel to look him in the eye. ‘If Dean actually keeps his word, I swear I’m gonna get you away from him.’ He went on and wiped at his face. Castiel had to swallow around the lump in his throat and only shook his head. 

‘No, Sam. You have to cure him. Please!’ Castiel said with a wavering voice. Sam had been so close, he knew that not much more was needed for Dean to become himself again and he had to know that Sam would do just that. He had to make sure. When Sam said nothing, the angel’s grip tightened and his voice became more urgent. ‘You have to promise me!’ He tried again. With a small sigh, Sam blinked and agreed. The angel removed his hands and Sam tilted his head to the side, that sad look on his face.  _ Oh no _ , Castiel thought.  _ He’s going to ask me if I’m fine _ . He would lose his mind if he had to think about what had just happened. One word kept running in his head.  _ Lie lie lie _ . But before any of them could say something, they heard footsteps approaching, echoing ominously through the empty hallway. The apprehension in the room was palpable, both men stood up straighter, their bodies tense. 

Dean rounded the corner and into the dungeon, a duffel bag in his left hand, a knife in the other. Castiel swallowed nervously. When he reached them, Dean tossed the bag at their feet, the knife pointing at Castiel. ‘Cas, help Sam to the garage.’ He commanded and Castiel laid his arm around Sam’s shoulder after picking up the bag for him. He could feel that the younger Winchester tried to not put all his weight on him and he was grateful because he wasn’t sure for how long he would be able to do this. Dean pointed to the exit with the knife, then fell in behind the two. Castiel had no idea where the garage was, so he let Sam guide them. The closer they got to their destination, the less weight kept pushing him down. He was sure Sam was able to walk on his own now and wondered why the hunter didn’t let go. 

Suddenly Sam halted. ‘Why did you stop?’ Dean asked, voice laced with suspicion. 

‘Just my shoe.’ Sam said, let go of Castiel and bent down to fumble with his shoelace, when he abruptly crouched down and dashed to the side. Castiel could see him jump at Dean, who readily dodged, but didn’t attack. Instead the demon lunged for Castiel. He felt Dean’s arm around his throat and his chest against his back, the knife cutting across his cheek. He yelled in surprise and pain and tried to get away, but Dean held fast. 

‘Stop pulling shit like that or Cas will feel it!’ The demon threatened and pressed the knife closer again. ‘He only needs one eye.’ The point of the knife shimmered in the light of the corridor, dangerously close to Castiel’s eye. The angel could see Sam raising his hands and backing away in surrender. ‘Now, move.’ Dean growled and pointed the knife at Sam, who slowly turned back around and went down the hallway. The grip on Castiel didn’t loosen though, and pressed closely to Dean they walked behind Sam, the knife still in his face. He could feel blood running down his cheek where Dean had cut him, then there was hot breath on it. 

‘Your blood smells  _ divine _ .’ Dean whispered. The forearm around his throat disappeared, and instead a hand landed on the back of his neck. Not pushing or pulling, only resting there like a reminder. Castiel felt sick to his stomach, not only because of the demon’s remark but because he was still uncertain if Sam would actually be allowed to leave. Soon they reached the garage and Sam pulled the door open, revealing a gigantic hall filled with old timer cars and motorcycles. Castiel let his eyes roam over everything, then they landed on the big gate that had to lead outside. 

When Castiel stood still for too long, Dean pushed at his neck, pointing to a green car parked a few feet away from them. ‘Put the bag in that car.’ He said and Castiel did as he was told, all the while being watched by Sam who stood silently, the muscle in his jaw jumping. Castiel slammed the door shut after disposing the bag in the passenger seat. He couldn’t stop looking at Sam, who was staring at the ground. When Dean called for him, Castiel made his way back to him, where the demon put his hand on his neck once more. A thumb stroked his hairline and he felt goosebumps break out on his skin. 

‘Now,’ Dean announced. ‘Get in.’ He pointed to Sam with his knife, then to the old timer before bringing it back to Castiel’s face, making sure the angel had a good view of it. Sam moved hesitantly and got into the car, his hands came to rest on the steering wheel then he gave Castiel a last lingering look that said ‘ _ I will come for you. _ ’ and the angel gave a minute nod in acknowledgement. Dean was getting impatient, apparently, because when Sam made no move to start the engine, he raised the blade again. ‘Go.’ He said and Sam finally turned the ignition on. The sound of the engine starting echoed loudly through the garage, then Dean pushed Castiel forward to the wall where the controls for the gate were. He pressed a button and the gate swung outwards with a loud clanking noise. When it was fully open, Sam drove to it slowly. As he watched him leave, Castiel felt a sense of relief wash over him. Sam would get away, he would be safe. He exhaled quietly when the green old timer disappeared from view completely and the gate was closing again. There wasn’t much time to dwell on it though, because he felt the tip of the blade run along his neck, scratching him. That’s when it hit him that he was alone with Dean once more. He felt the demon lean in and whisper against his skin.

‘I’m sorry I had to hurt you like that.’ Dean breathed. ‘Didn’t mean to mar your pretty face.’ He cooed and licked at the cut across Castiel’s cheek and the angel pulled away. He heard Dean laugh and felt a wave of disgust well up inside him. He really needed some distance right now. 

‘Leave me alone.’ Castiel said half-heartedly and went to get to the corridor outside of the garage. Before he took more than three steps though, Dean held onto his arm, twisting him around.

‘What was that?’ The smile was gone from his face and Castiel had to suppress the anxiety rolling over him. He hadn’t meant to make such a grave mistake again so soon and he was wondering if apologizing would help but then he remembered that he had literally nothing to lose. Sam was away, he was safe. Dean couldn’t hurt him anymore.

‘I said leave me alone.’ Castiel spat in his face and yanked his arm out of the demon’s grip, backing away. Raising the knife once more, Dean’s smile returned. 

‘You think because Sammy is gone you can take back your promise?’ Dean asked him and kept advancing while Castiel bumped into a chest high wall he maneuvered around. He blindly felt behind him and touched the cold metal of a car. ‘I can still hurt  _ you _ .’ Dean finished and sprang at him. With that, Castiel turned around to flee, running around the car’s back and jumping over the low wall separating it from the other parking space. He tried the red car’s handle but found that it was locked and immediately ran for the next one, hearing Dean landing on the ground behind him with heavy boots. Praying that this car would be unlocked, the angel tried the next handle and when the door swung open, he almost tripped over his own feet getting inside and slamming it shut again, pushing down the lock. He jumped when Dean fell against the driver’s window, pounding on the glass with his fists. There was actually a key in the ignition and Castiel could have wept with joy but when he turned it, the car didn’t even make a sound. Devastated, he just stared at his fingers gripping the key and when the pounding stopped, he looked at Dean’s malicious smile. Frantically, he scrambled to the passenger’s side, his hand on the door handle. But then he saw Dean jump and slide over the car’s hood and instead of going out, he opted for locking this door as well.

All the chasing had gotten Dean excited and he was leering at Castiel, making him huddle into the seat while his heart beat loudly in his ears. When he next tried to find where Dean was, Castiel couldn’t see him anywhere, even though he looked everywhere around him. He raised his head and slowly slid to the door again, his hand on the handle, ready to unlock and run. With bated breath, he waited a few more seconds and then pushed down. Suddenly there was a shadow in his peripheral vision and he heard a loud slam. Dean had smashed the window with a sledge hammer. With a scream, Castiel shielded his face from the glass flying at him, feeling them cut his bare forearms. Then he felt himself being grabbed and hauled through the broken windshield, his clothes and skin getting torn by the ragged shards.

Not giving him a break, Dean threw him to the floor, knocking the wind from him. He got right into his face, straddling his chest and trapping his arms in the process. ‘It seems like your mouth is faster than your brain, Cas.’ Dean said through his teeth, a little out of breath and brought the knife to Castiel’s lips. ‘Maybe I should cut your tongue out.’ Panicking, Castiel tried to turn away but only managed to twist his head to the side. 

‘No!’ He exclaimed, trying to dislodge the demon above him. With his free hand, Dean grabbed his chin, forcing Castiel to look at him. The fingers dug in his cheeks painfully, he felt his teeth against the inside. It was too much and he opened his mouth, the knife coming closer. With wide, terrified eyes he watched as the blade disappeared from his view, entering his mouth. Then he actually felt the cold metal on his tongue and the muscle shied away from it. The flat of the knife came to rest on his tongue and he tried to hold himself as still as possible, staring at Dean with fear filled eyes. After a few seconds of staring at the angel’s battered form, the demon sat back. 

‘I love a little blood on you, Cas.’ The knife pressed down a bit more and Castiel made a distressed sound in the back of his throat at the feeling of the tip pressing dangerously close to piercing his flesh. ‘But it would be a shame to cut this perfect cock sucking tongue out.’ He said pensively and slid the blade further in. ‘Have you learned your lesson?’ Dean asked and tilted Castiel’s head up more. Without thinking about it, the angel nodded as best as he could.  _ Just get this thing away _ , he thought. ‘Guess you’re bleeding enough already.’ Dean remarked and slid the knife out of Castiel’s mouth, along his lips, smearing his saliva over the cut on his cheek and gathering a little bit of blood on it. Then Castiel watched as Dean brought the blade to his own mouth, licking off the blood and spit from it, while he maintained eye contact. The gesture send a shiver down the angel’s spine, but he was still glad that Dean had backed off.

‘Just to be clear,’ Dean said while tucking the knife away. ‘I can and  _ will _ hurt you if you pull shit like that.’ He got up and went to move away, but then he turned to Castiel once more, as if in afterthought. Then without warning he stomped down on the angel’s bad ankle.

  
Castiel screamed and curled in on himself, the agony temporarily blinding him. ‘In case you didn’t believe me.’ Dean said and then he left, sure that Castiel wouldn’t be able to run anywhere. 


	9. So won’t you take a breath and dive in deep

Unbearable pain blossomed in his leg, reaching up to his knee. Castiel held onto his ankle, desperately hoping for the pain to finally subside, but it seemed to go on forever. This might have been one of the stupidest ideas of his life. It had seemed so clever to him, though. With the car he’d have been mobile without having to rely on his battered ankle, which was now worse than ever. He hoped it would be able to heal in time, not leaving him with a permanent limp.

After a few more minutes of lying on the cold garage floor, Castiel got his arms under him and tried to get up, very careful not to put weight on his injured leg. He very lightly touched the ground with his toes until pain flared back up. He hissed and scrunched up his face. How was he supposed to get anywhere now? He needed crutches. Looking around didn’t yield any results, though. He awkwardly hopped over to a low wall and held onto it for support. This act alone cost him so much strength, that he let out a breath. The next wall was a few feet further away. Determined to get back to his room at least, Castiel gathered himself, pushed away from the wall and jumped to the next on one leg.

This went on the whole way along the corridors, where he was at least able to hold onto the walls for aid. It was slow, but he got to his destination in the end, even if he tripped a few times. Exhausted, he fell onto his bed, his ankle at least overshadowing the uncomfortable pull and ache in his ass. _Don’t think about it_ , he thought and put his arm over his eyes, blocking out the artificial light of his room.

Sleeping without the lights on was something a carefree person would do, so he decided on turning on his side and to shut his eyes. It took a while of tossing and turning before his throbbing leg let him fall asleep.

When he woke, he slowly turned around and winced. His backside complained at his movements. He felt like an old man, barely able to get out of bed. He decided against sitting on the edge, so he rolled awkwardly aside and got on his good foot, carefully testing the bad one. The pain didn’t flare up as much as he’d anticipated and he was grateful for it.

Looking down at himself he noticed the state he was in, cut up and bleeding from various wounds. With a heavy sigh he got up and tried to remove his shirt. Boy, was that difficult. His muscles were stiff and didn’t want to cooperate, so it took him longer to disrobe than usual. With slow steps he got to the adjoining bathroom and dropped his battered pants. Tossing them aside, he stepped into the small shower, carefully washing himself. When he reached his ass he winced and hurriedly cleaned it as well.

When he got out he searched above and below the sink for first aid kits but only found rubbing alcohol. He decided against using it, the shower’s cleansing would have to suffice. He did find two band aids though and slapped them on the two deepest gashes. He went out of the bathroom and searched in the drawers for something else to wear. A navy blue shirt and a pair of black sweatpants seemed to be the best decision right now.

He suddenly heard his stomach growling in its mistreatment and he remembered that he hadn’t had a proper meal in days. Food would be a good idea right now, so he limped over to the door. When he reached for the handle, a little note stuck to the door caught his attention.

‘Gone for a while’ is what it read, and frowning, Castiel twisted the doorknob to go outside. That’s when it hit him that Dean must have been in his room while he was asleep. Now _that_ was an unsettling thought. Brushing it off, he climbed along the walls of the bunker until he reached the kitchen. There was plenty of food on the shelves and even some fresh stuff in the fridge. Before he had to wait for his food to be prepared, Castiel took canned baked beans from one of the shelves, eating its contents straight from the can. Only now he noticed how extremely hungry he actually was and after finishing the beans he looked for something else to eat. Checking the fridge again, he saw a few eggs, milk, and beer. Ignoring the alcohol, he took eggs and milk and decided on making an omelette. Something he once saw being made on TV. It couldn’t have been that hard. He cracked the eggs into a bowl, then added a little bit of milk. Before putting the mixture into a pan though, he remembered something important: seasoning. Nothing fancy, just pepper and—he stopped his mixing. Salt! He needed salt.

He left the bowl standing on the counter top and searched the cabinets for salt. And there it was, right next to the pepper and a few other little seasoning shakers. He put only a little of it in his bowl and stuffed the salt container in his pant pocket. After searching for a pan, he cooked his omelette, pretty proud of the outcome. He ate it slowly, some parts were still a little raw and one or two pieces of eggshell managed to get in as well, but it soothed his hunger. He downed the glass of water he had gotten from the tap and sat back in his chair, sated for now.

To overcome the sleepiness of a full stomach, Castiel decided to look around the bunker some more. But before he left the kitchen, he drank another full glass of water, put the container aside and slowly wobbled out the door. As he made his way down the long corridors, his mind wandered to Sam. _I hope he’s alright_ , he thought and clenched his fists while he leaned against a wall to take a break. Dean thought he had broken his will to escape, but as long as Castiel was able to crawl, he’d find a way out to help his friend. If anything, he was more determined than ever, and so he pushed himself off the wall and went on.

He soon found himself in front of the supply room he had hidden inside, when Dean had ran around with that hammer. Seeing the dents in the racks and furniture and the debris scattering the ground, a shiver ran down his spine. He remembered vividly how Dean had called for him, how his blood had turned to ice in his veins at the sheer fear he had felt. He brought his arms up to hug himself, much like when he was huddling underneath the table two feet away from him. The cold of the bunker seemed to creep inside his bones, but just as he was about to turn around, something caught his eye. A screwdriver was lying on the ground, among papers, pieces of wood and concrete. He took a few slow steps toward it, picked it up and regarded it with a frown. The handle was wooden, it must have been an old model, he mused and looked more intently at the long and pointed end, which was made of metal. Iron, to be precise. An idea formed in his head. He pocketed the tool and looked around some more. Across from him on the bland grey wall, the head of a rusty nail poked its head out and determinedly, Castiel went to free it. He turned it in its hole, then it slid out along with a little dust. Blowing on it, then rubbing with his fingers, he saw that it, too was made of iron, the red coat of rust the telltale sign. The nail went into his pocket to join the screwdriver and packet of salt.

Anxious to get the suspicious objects off his person, Castiel made his way back to his room. Once there he decided to hide them under his pillow. A sense of excitement and fear ate at him, rooting him to the spot for a few seconds. _Is that a good idea? Should I hide them somewhere else or better yet, get rid of them?_ But in the end, he left the room with the objects under his pillow, suppressing the gnawing feeling that kept repeating _Mistake! Mistake!_ in his mind. Gathering his thoughts, he decided to take his mind off things and went to visit the bunker’s library.

When he stepped into the massive hall with the bookshelves and long table, he was greeted by the soft light of the green and gold desk lamps. He had always liked the library, it was comfortable and soothing in here, and he could feel himself relax just a little bit. Browsing the numerous old tomes and books, his eyes halted at a red backed one with black lettering. _Demonology_ , it read. Carefully, Castiel pulled it out and brought it over to the table, where he sat down and opened it at random. He was met by an old-timey illustration of a demon eating a baby. _Ugh_ , he thought and skipped to the next page. He flew over headlines and captions, looking for keywords that might help him. Even though he was pretty familiar with demons in general, he thought reading up on them some more wouldn’t do any harm.

With an almost detached interest, Castiel overflew words such as _powers, rituals, summonings_ , and _forms_ . What made him stop and still his page turning hand was the word _victims_. His finger landed on the page, underneath the first line of the paragraph.

_While some demons prefer not to meddle with humans, others delight in manipulating and hurting them, some even resorting to torture and rape._

Castiel slammed the book shut. Why had he opened that stupid thing? Angrily, he shoved it away from him, his elbows resting on the tabletop. His fingers drove into his hair and he held his head like that for a while, looking at the table’s surface. He shut his eyes and sighed loudly, feeling weary to the bones. He wondered how much a human has to drink in order to forget something.

The silence was broken by the door to the bunker opening and closing noisily, echoing through the halls. Castiel lifted his head, ears perked up and then he flew from the table with the book in his hand, putting it back on the shelf and picking another one at random. With this book he went back to the table, opening it and huddling over it, in—he hoped—inconspicuous interest. Dean didn’t have to know that he did research on his kind. So he flipped a few pages and noticed that it was a book about witchcraft. Great, Dean hated witches. But the demon did not come inside the library, he went straight for the kitchen and Castiel heard him open the fridge and unscrewing the cap from a bottle of beer. With the bottle at his lips, Dean made his entrance and after wiping his mouth he sat down across from Castiel, idly regarding the beer he held before him and not paying any attention to the angel sitting in front of him.

Castiel looked up cautiously, his face still mostly turned down to the book, making his forehead crinkle. He saw Dean’s eyes shift to him slowly and transfixed, Castiel couldn’t look away. Dean’s face looked soft, but his eyes squinted like he was suspecting Castiel of doing something he shouldn’t, a little like a knowing father. Shuddering, Castiel chose to act like he was reading instead and wondered if he should initiate a conversation. But all the talks he had had with demonic Dean in the past hadn’t ended well and so he opted for keeping his mouth shut. Feeling the other’s gaze on him was unsettling, to say the least. He could feel it like a surge of heat directed at him, all-seeing and observing. It made his skin prickle, and by now Dean must have noticed his lack of page turning, that he was blankly staring at the book without actually reading any of it. It became too much, so Castiel decided to leave.

Right after he shut the book, he heard Dean’s low and slightly raspy voice. ‘How’s your ankle?’ He asked and pushed the beer bottle aside to cross his arm on the table, leaning further in.

He couldn’t help but snort. ‘It’s great!’ He said sarcastically without looking at Dean. The demon probably didn’t like his snippy answer, but if he was going to be like that, then Castiel would be, too. But there wasn’t any backlash, and that was a sign for the angel to make an exit. Determinedly, he got up and stowed the book away, moving slowly to the door and thus demonstrating how ‘great’ his ankle was.

‘Where are you going?’ Dean asked sternly from behind him and Castiel’s feet moved faster at the implication of danger in his voice. His instincts once again screaming for escape. He heard Dean’s chair scraping the floor and then he felt a hand around his arm, pulling him to a stop. Stepping around Castiel, Dean stood in the doorframe, effectively blocking the exit. But Castiel took a step back, squared his shoulders and stood his ground. ‘I asked you a question.’ Dean said in a low-pitched voice with one hand on the doorframe. No need to hold on to Castiel, he could never outrun him. Briefly, he considered being a smartmouth, but that had only earned him pain so far. Instead, he gave a small sigh.

‘I’m tired.’ He explained. ‘I just want to lie down.’

Something in Dean’s stance changed. ‘You want to go to bed?’ He asked him calculatingly. Castiel could see how Dean’s thoughts were shifting to something that had entirely nothing to do with sleeping. Hesitantly, Castiel confirmed his question and there was an instant smirk on the demon’s face. Dean crept closer and lowered his voice to a murmur.

‘Hmm, I think I will join you.’ His hands grabbed the hem of Castiel’s shirt, tracing up his belly, to rest on his chest. Castiel blanched. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Not so soon. His heart rate picked up and he put his hands on Dean’s wrists, prying them away from him, but Dean leaned in even more, seizing the angel’s forearms to hold him still.

‘Dean,’ Castiel started and shot him a pleading look. ‘I—I really need some rest.’ He tried, but Dean only frowned.

‘From what? What have you been doing all day that you’re so exhausted?’ Castiel’s thoughts immediately went to the objects he found, the research he did and he could think of no excuse.

‘Nothing. I’m just tired.’ He looked away, hoping his half-assed excuse was enough. Apparently, Dean didn’t buy it. He let go of him but grabbed Castiel’s wrist the next second. Then he dragged him along the corridors. _Shit_ , they were going in the direction of his room. His bed. He couldn’t be serious, Dean just...had sex with him mere hours ago. He was still _sore_ , damnit. Memories surfaced. _Strong, ungiving hands holding his hips, a solid weight rocking him into the hard table surface. ‘I have been waiting so long for this.’ Terror. Pain. But also traitorous pleasure._ Castiel found himself shaking at the prospect of having to endure this again so soon. His heart beat wildly, cold sweat formed on his neck and his arms and legs had gotten numb. Anxiety spiked inside his gut as they came ever closer to his room. It blinded his vision with images of freckled skin and green orbs being swallowed by black.

When he came back to the situation at present he saw his bed. It stood before him, Dean at his back. One of the demon’s arms held onto his midsection while the other crept over his back.

‘Remember what I told you last night.’ Dean whispered in his ear while his hands roamed over Castiel’s front and backside. _I can still hurt_ you, it echoed in the angel’s mind. And hurt him he had. No doubt he’d do it again. Closing his eyes, Castiel let the tension from his body dissipate, accepting his fate at this moment.

With a light push from behind, Castiel fell face forward onto the bed, breaking the fall with his arms. Already Dean was working on the angel’s pants, tugging impatiently. He felt cool air hit his skin and needed to bury his head in his pillow, pushing his hands beneath in hopes of having something to hold on to. Suddenly, his fingers touched cold and hard metal and he froze.

The screwdriver. His left hand kept sliding back and forth in search of the nail and when he found it, his breath stopped and his heart beat in his throat. _Maybe I’m not as accepting of my fate as I thought_ , his mind whirred. _Here goes nothing_ . He waited for Dean to go down to his feet to remove his pants, then he quickly shoved the nail into his mouth. The sharp taste of metal hit his tongue and he had to suppress a flinch. Dean had gotten back up to slide down Castiel’s boxers next, but suddenly his movements stilled. _Oh, no_. Had he seen him? Hot and cold shivers ran down his whole body at the uncertainty and the fear of having been caught. A warm hand landed on his shoulder.

‘What was that?’ The low-spoken question confirmed all of Castiel’s fears, then he was turned around to finally face Dean. He managed to keep his right hand beneath the pillow, still holding the screwdriver. His tongue was pressing the rusty nail to the roof of his mouth. There was suspicion and anger on the demon's face and Castiel panicked.

He surged forward, pressing his lips against Dean’s. With wide open eyes the angel looked at the demon’s face, gauging his reaction, still pressing their mouths together. He saw surprise on Dean’s features, quickly followed by a frown. The demon went to move away, so Castiel brought his left arm up to hold onto his neck, keeping him in place. It only worked because Dean let him, he knew. He could feel him drawing closer instead of away and the angel relaxed his hold a little. Soon Dean’s tongue was brushing against his tightly sealed lips and he opened them, only to further distract the demon of course.

When the wet muscle entered his mouth he could sense something change inside Dean. His breathing became harder, his lips stilled and before he could pull away, Castiel pushed the nail inside the demon’s mouth with his tongue while simultaneously grabbing Dean’s neck firmer, pulling as hard as he could to keep him locked to his mouth, clenching his jaw so the nail couldn’t be passed back to him. He felt the metal pushing at his teeth, but he held fast. Without thinking he brought his right hand out from under the pillow, clutching the screwdriver’s wooden handle. It soared through the air and buried itself inside Dean’s back.

With a roar the demon finally tore away and spit out the nail, his hand reaching for and pulling out the screwdriver lodged in his back. Blood clung to the tool, dripping on the bed covers and Castiel’s arms. That was his cue. Hurriedly, he twisted around, pushing at Dean’s chest to throw him off, but the demon didn’t even budge an inch. Furious black shiny eyes stared at him, then a punch landed in his stomach, rendering him breathless for a moment. Immediately after, Dean began to strangle him, no air reached Castiel’s lungs and he could barely see through the pain, pressure, and panic he felt.

The angel’s eyes rolled back and Dean held on a little longer before loosening his grip. ‘ _Fuck!_ I should just _kill_ you right now.’ Dean screamed at him. ‘Be rid of you for good.’ A mix of blood and spit landed on Castiel’s face. He only now saw that Dean had blood in his mouth as well, running down his chin in rivulets and painting his teeth red. The iron must be like acid on the soft mouth tissue of a demon. He had no idea it was this effective. With the back of his sleeve, Dean wiped at his mouth and smeared the blood all over his lower face. It was a frightening sight and Castiel surely would have shuddered at it if he wasn’t so preoccupied with getting air into his lungs. Then, with his left hand, Dean reached over his front to his back where the stab wound was. He touched it with a hiss, brought the hand forward again to look at it, his eyes shifted back to Castiel.

‘You think you’re so clever. But you’re just incredibly stupid.’ Dean said after leaning back a little and wiping his blood stained hands on Castiel’s shirt. He started laughing. Laying his hands on his own thighs, Dean looked back at the angel underneath him. ‘I can’t believe you’re still fighting this.’ He said with incredulity in his voice. Meanwhile, Castiel could still feel the imprint of Dean’s hand around his throat and the pressure from his weight atop him, holding him down.

Then Dean’s bloodied hand shot forward and gripped Castiel’s hair tightly, pulling him from the bed. The angel yelped when he fell down on his side. He had to scrabble up when he found himself being dragged around on his hair again. It was a short trip this time, Castiel found himself in Dean’s room. It looked just like he remembered from a few weeks prior, when he had visited the hunter. Of course nothing had changed, the demon hadn’t had any use for a bed anymore (at least in the classical sleeping sense).

Dean dumped him on his bed and subdued him by straddling his waist again, Castiel was still trying to wriggle out from under Dean but the demon squeezed his knees around his ribcage. Dean leaned over to one side and reached for the bedside table, from its drawer he pulled a pair of handcuffs. When Castiel saw them he panicked. The thought of being restrained in such a manner, being absolutely helpless, caused him to thrash around more wildly, hitting Dean anywhere he could. The demon didn’t even flinch, with superhuman strength he wrestled Castiel’s hands down, transferring his wrists into one hand, then he slapped the handcuffs on. The whirring and clicking sound made the angel cry out.

‘No, please don’t do this!’ Castiel burst out. Dean ignored him, threw the cuff chain around a hook screwed to the headboard (where did that come from?) and secured the angel’s other wrist, so he was cuffed to the headboard, arms extended above his head. Then, with seemingly no effort whatsoever, Dean pushed at the metal hook with his thumb, bending it so far back that the small gap disappeared entirely. It now resembled a ring. Castiel whined and tugged uselessly at his bonds. The hard metal hurt his wrists where it cut into his skin.

‘Please!’ Castiel tried again, tears of frustration and panic burning his eyes.

‘This is your own fault.’ Dean said through his teeth and winced when he leaned away, the pain in his back still affecting him. ‘Be glad I’m not tying you down in the dungeon.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘But that could change really quickly if you don’t shut up.’

Castiel thought about the cold and bare dungeon and kept quiet, breathing heavily through his mouth.

‘It seems the last lesson didn’t stick with you.’ Dean spat at him and Castiel thought he might decide to break his ankle after all, but instead Dean ripped open Castiel’s shirt, the fabric digging into his arms and shoulders painfully where it couldn’t yield. ‘If you think the last time hurt, then prepare for hell.’ He promised darkly, bending forward to bite into the other’s shoulder. ‘I’m gonna tear you apart.’ He murmured when he leaned back to lick and suck on the bite mark. Castiel was hyperaware of everything, the weight of the demon atop him pressing him into the soft mattress, the pain of the handcuffs, punches and bite on his shoulder, and the dark emptiness inside of him at Dean’s words. He thought he might black out for the fear alone, his heart beat so fast and his lungs burned with the panting breaths he took to sate his brain’s desire for consciousness.

Dean’s hands went downwards and made short work of his underwear, tearing the material just as easily as his shirt. Castiel cried out at the display of pure power and violence. It send a spark of fear through him that left him shaking. He pressed his legs together as hard as he could, grabbed the handcuff’s chain and _pulled_ , anything to get away from under that black eyed demon. But Dean was stronger. So much stronger. He could see blood running down his arm from the wound in his back, it dripped everywhere on Castiel’s bare skin. So much blood, so much hate, obsession and violence. It made him sick to the stomach. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, while he stared at Dean who had taken Castiel’s thighs and spread them apart roughly.

To scare him even more, Dean pressed his still covered crotch against Castiel’s ass firmly, letting the angel know exactly what was about to happen. The pressure alone was agony on his abused backside and he couldn’t keep back a yelp. The demon gripped his thighs painfully hard and his expression formed into a crazed display of ill intent.

‘Beg me for mercy.’ He said heatedly. ‘Beg me to fuck you and I _might_ consider letting you live after this.’

Castiel was frozen in terror. He would not beg to have the demon violate him again. ‘N—No!’ He breathed and buried his face in the crook of his right shoulder. If he was going to die, then with a little bit of his dignity intact.

‘Fine.’ Is what he heard in response and then the weight against him disappeared only to return a few seconds later, without pants this time and a dick hard as a rock poking him in the thigh. Castiel flinched hard and screwed his eyes shut, his face still hidden between his shoulder and arm. He was shaking.

Castiel heard Dean spit, then he felt something wet at his entrance. Without warning, Dean thrust his dick inside in one swift movement. Castiel _screamed_. He screamed until sobs wrecked his whole body, shaking him violently. This pain, it was new. The first time was painful, yes. But this? This was pure agony. Dean was deliberately cruel in his hard thrusts, pulling Castiel into him so their bodies slapped together. The angel was crying, his wails and gasps seemed to fuel Dean’s violence, he was breathing hard and grunting with every slam of his hips.

  
Soon Castiel thought he couldn’t take anymore and he found his voice again. ‘Dean!’ He exclaimed and tried to focus through the pain. ‘S—Stop!’ Screw his dignity, this _was_ hell. ‘Please—Ah!’ A particularly hard thrust interrupted him temporarily. ‘Stop!’ But his pleas fell on deaf ears. If anything, Dean seemed to go faster. He grabbed Castiel’s legs and pushed them further up, this new position allowing him to penetrate the angel even deeper. Castiel couldn’t breathe, he was almost folded in half and pounded into the mattress so hard he thought his back might snap any minute. Then he felt hands around his throat once more, cutting off his air for good. He really was going to kill him, then. With wide, terrified eyes he looked at the demon above him and only saw a blank mask staring back at him. He couldn’t make out any of his emotions, then darkness crept into his vision, his body began to seize up and the panic and pain of suffocation overwhelmed him. He blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this!


	10. And you’ve got your own mistakes in a bed at home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter for you, I am still writing this. Sorry, it takes so long sometimes

‘Bloody hell!’ Castiel awoke with a start and his eyes landed on the dark figure standing in the doorway. It couldn’t be. 

‘Crowley?’ Castiel asked in disbelief, his voice barely a rasp. What was he doing here? He saw the king of hell coming inside, dressed in a tailored suit as usual. Instinctively, Castiel drew his legs up to his body, trying to hide but failing of course, his hands were still attached to the bed’s headboard. He just could never catch a break it seemed. Crowley took in his bruised and battered form and raised his eyebrows. 

‘Dean told me he took care of you, but...wow! I didn’t expect  _ this _ .’ He said with an incredulous laugh. Castiel clenched his jaw, the memory of what Dean had done to him still vivid in his mind, the skin on his neck prickled. He shivered. 

‘What do you want, Crowley?’ The angel asked impatiently and frowned at him. His throat was so sore he had to cough a couple of times. The king of hell looked around the room, his hands in his pockets. 

‘I was going to visit Dean, actually.’ He told Castiel. ‘Haven’t seen him in a while.’ He picked a piece of lint from his lapel and continued to study his fingernails. He seemed a little uncomfortable in this situation.  _ What am  _ I _ supposed to say? _ Castiel thought and tried to get up into a sitting position, which was impossible of course with his hands tied above his head. 

‘Well,’ Castiel said while struggling with the handcuffs. ‘He’s not here.’ He winced when he tried to sit on his butt and lay back down with a huff. Sitting was not an option at the moment. Apparently, Crowley already knew that the demon wasn’t here, because he didn’t say anything else. An awkward silence fell and Castiel looked at his knees, breathing hard. Now that he became aware of his body, he noticed he was shaking, he was hot but shivered in cold sweat. He felt like death. 

‘Are you alright there?’ Crowley asked him cautiously, but before Castiel could answer, he shook his hand at him. ‘Don’t answer that.’ It was a stupid question and one that Castiel hadn’t expected either. Wearily, he looked up at him and sighed deeply. 

‘So, are you and Dean—’ Castiel tried to search for the right word. ‘—friends?’ The king of hell shrugged. 

‘I guess you could say that.’ He answered offhandedly, his demeanor becoming more and more reserved. After a few more seconds of silence, he looked at him again. ‘Do you want me to, uh…cover you?’ He pointed to a blanket that lay at the foot of the bed, crumpled and almost lying on the floor. Castiel nodded and Crowley put the blanket on him gingerly. 

‘Should I talk to Dean?’ The question caught him off guard. 

‘Why do you even care?’ Castiel asked with an air of annoyance. Crowley shrugged again. 

‘You’re obviously ill. I’m guessing an infection judging from the various wounds on you. I doubt he wants you to die at this point.’ Castiel had to look away from Crowley, seeing Dean was the last thing he wanted right now. But Crowley seemed to be right in his assumption, nausea flared up from his stomach and he swallowed nervously. 

‘Just leave me alone.’ He said instead and tried to turn on his side as much as he could. In the corner of his eye he could see Crowley move to the door without another word. When he was alone, Castiel sighed and moaned in his illness. Even though he had just woken up he felt exhausted, like he could sleep for three days. His eyes drooped and the warm blanket gave him a little bit of comfort in his situation.  _ Might as well try to sleep _ , he thought and closed his eyes. 

It was difficult for his mind to blank out enough for him to fade into the sleep realm though, he tossed and turned, his fever conjuring up images of Dean, staring at him with black, soulless eyes. Flashing fangs at him that tore into his flesh, devouring Castiel piece by piece, his blood splattering everywhere. 

Castiel woke in cold sweat, tears streaming down his face, he had kicked the blanket off of him in his tossing and turning and shivered from the cold. He needed help, badly. This infection was terrible. He looked down his body and saw that one of the deeper cuts on his flank he had gotten in his last fight with Dean was red and swollen, oozing a thick yellow substance. That must have been the source of his illness. 

His head rested against the headboard and when he adjusted his position he felt something else. A full bladder.  _ Great _ . Now he definitely needed help. He couldn’t be expected to pee himself, to wet the bed? Dean wouldn’t like that, he was quite sure. So when was he coming back? Even though he didn’t want to see him right now, he had to admit he needed his help. He sighed in frustration. This just kept getting better and better. 

After a few more minutes in silent resignation, he heard someone approaching the room. Dean opened the door and stepped inside. Seeing him made Castiel tense up, shaking in his bonds just a little more. He quickly averted his eyes, the sight of him brought back too many bad memories just now. He heard slow steps approaching him and soon felt the side of the bed dip. His shaking arms gently rattled the cuff’s chain. A hand landed on his brow and Castiel tensed, the touch was too much right now. 

‘You’re burning up.’ Was all Dean said to him right before he got back up and left. Stunned, Castiel looked at the still open door. It wasn’t long before he came back, a small suitcase and a bottle of water in his hands. 

Back at Castiel’s side, he put the bottle on the bedside table and opened the small suitcase. It must have been a first aid kit, Castiel realized and raised his eyes to Dean’s face. The demon wasn’t looking at him, he was busy unpackaging several cotton pads and unscrewing a small bottle. One cotton pad got soaked in the bottle’s contents and he brought it to Castiel’s body, carefully dabbing at a wound. It stung and Castiel hissed, wincing away from the treatment. Dean gave him a warning look and kept up his methodical wound cleaning. Sighing inwardly, Castiel closed his eyes and let Dean take care of him in this way. 

After he was finished with one side of Castiel’s body, Dean went to the other to continue. When suddenly he stilled, the angel looked at him and saw that the cotton pad was hovering over his infected wound. Dean was frowning, but gently pressed the pad on the wound, the burning now familiar but it still made Castiel flinch a little. He even removed the pus, which was more painful than Castiel anticipated and before he was done, he was panting. After dressing the wound in gauze and medical tape, Dean packed up the first aid kit and produced a tiny bottle, from which he removed a few pills. He put his hand in front of Castiel’s face and when the angel only stared at it, he sighed impatiently. 

‘Open up.’ He commanded, but Castiel wanted to know what the pills were. Fed up, Dean thrust the pill bottle at him and he read some name on it, beneath that it said  _ antibiotic _ . ‘Something for your infection.’ Dean explained and put the bottle back, instead grabbing the water from the bedside table. ‘Take them, or die.’ He told him flatly. Reluctantly, Castiel opened his mouth and Dean dropped the pills inside, opening and lifting the water bottle to his lips so he could flush them down easily. It was a little messy, some of the water spilled and ran down Castiel’s chin, dropping on his chest and startling him. When had he gotten so sensitive? But he drank the whole bottle, he was that thirsty. 

Wiping his mouth on his elbow, Castiel slid his eyes over Dean’s form next to him, over the dark blue shirt he was wearing to the neatly combed hair on top of his head. He was simply stunning, as usual. With a sigh, the angel looked away again, this whole situation was simply too painful. ‘Why are you doing this?’ He asked meekly. 

Without looking up from his packing, Dean answered. ‘Can’t have you dying on me now.’ Castiel frowned, and then their eyes met again. ‘I’m not done with you yet.’ Dean said and Castiel had to bite his lip to keep himself from lashing out at the demon. He tugged on his bonds unconsciously, his hands were so cold they had gone numb by now. His wriggling reminded him of the fact that he had to go to the bathroom really soon. 

‘Can you untie me?’ He asked and saw Dean scowl, but before he could say no, Castiel added ‘I have to use the bathroom.’

Rolling his eyes, Dean reached inside the bedside table drawer and retrieved the cuff keys, their jingling came closer to Castiel and soon he heard the click of the lock being opened. Thankful, he brought his free hand down, clenching and unclenching his fist to get the blood flowing properly again. Pins and needles crawled along his skin and he winced at the sensation. Then Dean stood up and stuffed the keys inside his jeans pocket, earning him a confused look from the angel. His other hand was still in the cuff. Staring in disbelief at the empty water bottle offered to him, he took it in his free hand and frowned. Then it dawned on him, Dean expected him to empty his bladder into the bottle. Bewildered, Castiel chose to say nothing. He was glad that at least one of his hands was free now and he was not going to complain and have it taken away again. 

Without another word to him, Dean turned and went to the door, muttering something. Castiel could have sworn he heard Crowley’s name among his words. With a scowl, he looked at the empty bottle in his hand and considered throwing it across the room, but this was his only chance at taking care of the issue with some small sense of dignity, so he did what he had to. 

When he had finished, he put the now half full bottle on the bedside table, not bothering to put the lid on. It had been a real struggle to not make a mess of this with his shaking arms but he managed fairly well, he thought. With one hand free, he had a wider range of mobility on the bed. He could even reach over to open the drawer. Of course it was empty. He sighed and leaned back, rubbing at his face. What now?

But the answer came soon in the form of Dean with a sandwich on a plate. The plate was dumped on the table next to him and a gruff ‘Eat,’ was all he got. Before Dean could leave again, Castiel spoke up. 

‘Wait,’ He said. ‘What are you and Crowley doing together?’ Dean stopped and turned around to him, a sinister smile on his lips. 

‘Why, you jealous?’ He mocked Castiel and the angel huffed. He didn’t know why he asked him in the first place, it wasn’t like he expected an honest answer. But he was curious about their relationship. Dean stood a little longer, apparently in thought. Then he crossed his arms in front of his chest. ‘We’re acquaintances, if you have to know.’ He said and made a small pause. ‘We do some stuff together.’

‘Like what?’ Castiel wanted to know but also regretted asking this because now he  _ did _ sound like a jealous lover. Dean smiled. 

‘Don’t fret, sweetheart. You’re the only one for me.’ He said with a wink, Castiel blushed and looked away, he felt humiliated. 

‘You almost killed me.’ Castiel said quietly, directing his gaze back to the demon. The smile vanished from Dean’s face. 

‘I know.’ Was all he said, then he bent down and retrieved the blanket that had fallen off the bed and laid it back over Castiel. This caring side to Dean made him uncomfortable, somehow. When just mere hours ago he was the total opposite.

‘So why didn’t you?’ Castiel had to know. Dean stared at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read, then he shrugged. 

‘Like I said, I’m not done with you yet.’ Castiel felt anger bubbling up inside him. 

‘What is that supposed to  _ mean _ ?’ Accusation rang in his voice, he clenched his fists. He was so done with all the vague comments, suggestions, and lies. But before he could blow up, something in Dean’s stance changed, his face became softer. Castiel hesitated. When at last Dean looked at him again, his stomach dropped. 

‘You know, I really don’t want to hurt you.’ Dean started. ‘But you make it so hard for me with all the shit you’re doing.’ He reached behind his back to touch the stab wound he had gotten from the screwdriver. Wow, did Castiel just feel remorse now? What was happening?

‘If you expect me to lay back and accept my fate you’re mistaken.’ Castiel said with conviction. Dean smiled. 

‘I know you’re a fighter. You’re an angel, even without your grace.’ Those words caused an unwelcome warmth to spread inside him. Did the demon just praise him 

‘If you truly don’t wish to hurt me, then let me help you, Dean. We can still cure you!’ Castiel tried, but he saw the tension in Dean’s stance reappear. His mouth hardened and then he sighed and laughed a little while shaking his head. 

‘That is what I like about you so much, Cas. You never truly give up.’ He came a step closer. ‘It’s admirable, really.’ He touched the side of Castiel’s face and looked him deeply in the eyes while sitting down on the side of the bed. His thumb stroked over the angel’s bottom lip, then he dipped his head and brushed his mouth against his. At first Castiel tensed, but it was so gentle, his eyes fluttered closed. It was a chaste kiss, but it touched something inside him that lay dormant for a while now. When Dean pulled back, Castiel slowly opened his eyes again. ‘I’m sorry for last night.’ Dean apologized with such sincerity that suddenly a dam broke and tears fell down Castiel’s cheeks. Sobs wracked his body, all the pent-up feelings from the last few days came to the surface and he couldn’t control it if he had wanted to. It hurt. The memories of the awful things he had to endure, at the hands of the one person he adored more than any other. 

Strong arms embraced him and he was pressed against Dean’s chest while soothing words were murmured into his hair. He clawed at Dean’s shirt firmly with his one hand, but the other didn’t complain. He felt like the world was spinning around him, his sobbing stole his breath and he saw colorful spots dance behind his eyelids. But he just couldn’t stop. This embrace, it was so comforting. It felt like the worst was over. Only he knew that likely wasn’t the case, but he still held onto this one bit of comfort as much as he could. It took him a while to calm down enough to notice lips pressed against his once more. Still gentle, but with more passion behind them. He gave in, he kissed back and he enjoyed it, his heart swelled while thinking of Dean. Dean, the hunter he met and fell in love with. There was no denying it, especially when he hurt so much over his transformation into a demon. With trembling fingers, Castiel held Dean’s face to keep him in place while they kissed for what felt like hours. When Dean finally broke their kiss, he stroked over Castiel’s puffy red lips once more and licked his own.

‘Dean…’ Castiel sighed and hiccuped. 

‘Shh,’ Dean hushed him and pushed Castiel down into the mattress with a hand on his chest. ‘You need to rest now. Eat, and I’ll come back later to give you more antibiotics.’ Still a bit dazed, Castiel nodded and sniffed, wiping at his wet face. Conflicting emotions warred within him, but relief was the most prominent. It felt weird and wrong somehow, but it still felt good after being miserable for so long. He soaked it all up inside his soul. 

Once Dean had disappeared with the bottle from the bedside table, Castiel reached over to it and took the sandwich from the plate. Looking at it, his stomach growled, but he wasn’t sure if it was in hunger or nausea and he had to swallow a few times before taking a bite. It was a simple ham and cheese sandwich, slightly buttered. After he had swallowed the first bite, he took another and managed to eat the whole thing, his belly slightly protesting at being so full while he was still nauseous from his infection. But he was able to keep it down, for which he was thankful for.

  
His thoughts drifted back to the kiss he had just shared with Dean and now that he had a little bit of time to reflect on it, he felt really stupid.  _ You let yourself be lulled into a false sense of security, idiot. Dean is playing you, don’t forget he is  _ still _ a demon.  _ Castiel frowned, his hand reached up to touch his lips, the feeling of Dean’s on his long gone now that he had eaten.  _ But it still felt nice _ , another small part of him pitched in. All this thinking made him frustrated and confused and he groaned while laying back in the pillows. Enough of this, he was going to rest some more while he had the time. 


	11. But now I think I’m possessed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took forever! Thank you to everyone who keeps commenting, you are the reason I'm writing this :)

Opening his eyes sluggishly, Castiel blinked at the ceiling. He had been woken by a muffled argument outside of the room, which was getting louder by the second. He could make out Dean’s and Crowley’s voices, but only snippets of what they were saying. When he tried to turn his aching body to the side he pulled at his one cuffed hand that was numb and freezing by now, making him scowl in discomfort.

‘In front of all my subordinates, too!’ He heard Crowley accusing Dean in a tone that suggested he tried to keep it down but he was still agitated. 

‘I am not one of your lackeys.’ Dean’s growl carried through the closed door, sending shivers of memory over Castiel’s skin. The doorknob turned and the demon entered, a look of annoyance on his face. Without turning around, he slammed the door shut behind him, effectively stopping Crowley from following inside. Castiel tensed up. But as Dean’s eyes fell on him on the bed, he deflated a bit. The angel frowned at him. 

‘What was that about?’ Castiel asked, and Dean shook his head before sighing. 

‘Apparently, Crowley thinks I’m one of his little demon minions.’ Dean scoffed. ‘I don’t owe him anything.’ He said under his breath. Castiel wondered what Crowley wanted from Dean, but he was interrupted in his musings by the antibiotics put in front of him. ‘Don’t dwell on it, Cas.’ The subject was officially dismissed then. ‘How are you feeling?’ Now that Castiel actually checked on how he felt, he was able to say that it was better. Only a little, but better. 

‘I don’t feel like dying anymore.’ He tried to phrase it none too positively. Dean was the reason for his injury after all. The demon hummed thoughtfully in response and gave him a water bottle to down the pills, then he started removing the blanket from the angel. Castiel almost choked on the water, he was still skittish and having this protective layer removed made him feel vulnerable and anxious. 

‘Let me check your infected wound.’ Dean said unperturbed and proceeded to gently peel off the medical tape, revealing the wound underneath. Castiel couldn’t help his curious look. It was still red and swollen, but no more pus was to be seen. Quickly, Dean resealed the bandage and covered Castiel with the blanket. ‘It looks much better.’ Dean assessed, earning him a huff from the angel. 

‘When did you become a doctor?’ Castiel asked him disdainfully, not wanting to feel grateful for the treatment. Dean laughed in response. 

‘I needed to get good at this stuff when I had to take care of Sammy all those years ago.’ The demon answered while he put away the antibiotics bottle. Castiel’s mouth shut with an audible clack at the reminder of Dean’s caring big brother side, always there for little Sam when no one else was. He felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. The way Dean was moving and acting around him reminded him too much of the old times. Of when he met the two brothers, how he marveled at their unconditional brotherly love for each other. His thoughts wandered to Sam and he was wondering if he was alright. He sighed. 

‘Thank you,’ Castiel said quietly, making Dean look at him with raised eyebrows. 

‘No need to thank me for taking care of you.’ Dean said with a wink and went to turn around again, but Castiel spoke up. 

‘No. Not for that. Well, I mean yeah for that too I guess. But no. I mean for keeping your word and letting Sam go.’ Dean regarded the water bottle in his hand for a moment, then he directed his gaze back to the angel. 

‘Yeah, I do keep my promises,’ He said, squinting at him. ‘What about you?’ Castiel’s heart beat strongly once and then seemed to stop, his head turned bright red and he had to look away, remembering his promise. ‘ _ I will make you feel good in return. _ ’ His stammering words echoed in his head. Was this the moment he would make him live up to that? He was still staring wide eyed at Dean, but the demon finally turned around without pressing the matter. Castiel felt grateful. 

‘You hungry?’ Dean asked him and yeah, there was quite the big hole in his belly. Castiel nodded, dropping his gaze to where his free hand was grasping the blanket. Grabbing the water bottle Castiel had used to empty his bladder in and leaving behind the new empty one, Dean exited the room. While he was alone again, Castiel thought of Sam once more. The younger Winchester had promised to find a new way to cure Dean, and he was hoping with all his might that he would be successful. After a few minutes Dean returned with a slice of cold pizza on a plate which he offered to Castiel. The angel had no qualms about it being cold and wolfed it down hungrily. 

After licking the last remains of the grease from his fingers Castiel began to feel drowsy and he blinked rapidly from lightheadedness. 

‘The antibiotics can really put you out.’ Dean remarked and sat down on the bed to feel Castiel’s forehead. ‘Fever’s gone down a bit, though.’ He said and trailed his fingers down to cup Castiel’s cheek. The angel closed his eyes while pressing his face into the hand holding him. Suddenly he felt Dean’s lips brushing against his own, but he was only slightly startled. It felt nice, warm and comforting in his foggy brain. So he brought his free arm up around Dean’s neck to keep him close while he parted his lips in a sigh. The drugs and gentleness were relaxing him even further. It was a lazy kiss, their tongues touched briefly, sending some kind of electric shock through Castiel. He pulled back slightly. 

‘Dean,’ He whispered and looked at the demon with longing in his eyes, wishing for him to be his old self again. ‘I need…’ He saw Dean’s pupils dilate, swallowing the green of his irises, but they were still human looking. 

‘What do you need?’ Dean breathed and brought his other arm up to cradle Castiel’s head in both hands. But Castiel couldn’t answer as Dean surged forward to claim his lips in a deep kiss. The angel felt a warm tingling sensation in his middle, it was such a nice feeling. Almost like elation bubbling up and he felt like either giggling like a fool or crying hysterically. It was hard trying to get a grip on himself, when the feeling kept growing and rendered him needy for affection and comfort. His whole body was flushed and he felt hot all over again. He moaned low in his throat while he was kissing Dean. The need was getting more intense by the second, and he thought about how he wanted the old Dean here with him, to have him kiss and comfort him.

‘What—’ Dean said between kisses. ‘—do you need?’

_ I need the old Dean _ , Castiel thought.  _ I need the old— _ ’ He sobbed. ‘—you!’ He cried out loud. 

That was Dean’s cue, he got up and straddled Castiel’s waist, bending down to bring their lips together again and pressing him into the mattress. Whimpering, Castiel clawed at the demon’s shirt, not wanting to let go while his restrained hand kept uselessly groping at air.  _ I need him so much _ , he thought and felt tears roll down the sides of his face, overcome with emotion. 

Suddenly the weight atop of him disappeared and cool air touched his skin when Dean removed the blanket completely, making Castiel shiver. Quickly, Dean settled back on top of him and started kissing his neck. The angel writhed beneath the demon and felt him kiss his shoulders and his chest, leaving wet spots while ghosting fingers over his wounds.    


The gentle touches and warm kisses slowly started to arouse him and he felt his erection straining against the rough material of Dean’s pants. Dean kept going lower until Castiel felt his breath over his cock briefly and Castiel’s hand shot out reflexively, his conscious had dug its way to the front for a second there. He wrapped his fingers around the demon’s forearm, looking at him in concern. Dean raised his gaze up at him and his expression softened even further.

‘I’m not gonna hurt you, Cas.’ He promised and proceeded to envelope Castiel’s cock in wet heat. The angel cried out at the sensation, his hand tightening on the arm before releasing it and instead burying it in Dean’s perfectly styled hair, messing it up in the process. But the demon didn’t seem to care, he wrapped a hand around Castiel’s shaft and licked and sucked at him while maintaining eye contact. Castiel couldn’t look away, a deep blush warming his cheeks. Biting his lip, he breathed hard and made all sorts of embarrassing noises, which drowned out the rattling of the cuffs and the wet sounds of Dean’s mouth. Castiel could feel himself approaching an orgasm and he closed his eyes in concentration, only to open them a few seconds later to look at Dean who had stopped and was hovering above his erection, hand still wrapped around it. 

‘Do you want me to stop?’ Dean asked with a faint smile on his face. His question was met with a headshake, but it wasn’t enough for the demon. ‘Tell me, Cas.’

Castiel keened, pressing on Dean’s head to get his mouth back on him, but he wasn’t strong enough. ‘No, don’t stop.’ He cried and let his head fall back into the pillows, surrendering to the feelings assaulting him. Then Dean was back at getting him off, Castiel had a hard time keeping quiet. It felt too good, and finally he was able to let go. He came with a whine, gripping Dean’s scalp so hard he must have unrooted some of his hairs. When he opened his eyes he saw the demon licking his lips, he had swallowed his come. He had to look away from the hungry gaze directed at him, feeling shy again.  _ Now he wants me to reciprocate _ , he thought in worry, but Dean said nothing, got up from the bed and put the blanket on Castiel’s body back in place.

‘Do you want a book from the library?’ Oh, so they were not going to talk about this. Castiel shifted on the bed, his body felt relaxed in a way but in his mind he was strangely uncomfortable in Dean’s presence. He wanted to be alone right now, needed to be away from him. For a moment, he didn’t know how to respond.

‘Can you untie me?’ Castiel asked meekly, gauging Dean’s reaction by his stance. The demon stiffened shortly before turning around, a guarded expression on his face.

‘Why?’ He asked him. ‘So you can stab me in the back again?’ That was a no then. Castiel’s gaze dropped to the blanket where his fingers picked at a fold nervously. He heard Dean sigh, then felt the bedside dip with his weight. ‘I’m sorry.’ The angel looked up in surprise, Dean’s hand came forward to cover his. ‘I know why you did it. And I can’t blame you. You’re a fighter, Cas.’ His thumb stroked over the back of his hand. ‘Honestly, I would have been pretty disappointed if you hadn’t tried something like that.’ Scowling slightly, Castiel watched their hands.

‘Then free me. You know I tried and...failed.’ Castiel admitted, earning him a half-smile from Dean.

‘Tell me why you want to be free so badly.’

‘Call it a basic human need.’ Castiel retorted.  _ Like I need to explain this, let me tie you up and see how  _ you _ like it _ , he thought. But that only conjured up some very inappropriate images and he shook them off quickly. They stared at each other, Dean’s eyes were jumping from his face to his bound wrist above him.

‘Sorry, sweetheart. I can’t trust you.’ He said and went to get up, but Castiel rushed to keep him from leaving. Only had Dean moved so far already, that the only part he could still reach was his hand and so he held onto it, stopping the demon in his tracks. He looked at him imploringly.

‘Remove them so I can go to the bathroom in dignity at least.’ The angel tried and saw Dean’s shoulders slump in annoyance.

‘Fine, you have two minutes.’ Dean said and fished for the cuff keys in his pocket. Castiel tried to remove his hand but the demon held fast. Confused, the angel watched him unlock the cuff. With a wince, he brought his numb arm down, his muscles protesting. Dean pulled him up from beneath the covers and off the bed, careful of his hurt ankle. He brought them flush together, staring at Castiel’s lips for a moment. ‘I’ll give you  _ ten _ minutes, so you can clean yourself up.’ Bending forward to whisper in the angel’s ear, he added. ‘Be thorough.’ Causing a shiver to go down Castiel’s spine. With that he was released and he immediately made his way to the adjacent bathroom.

The sound of the door closing behind him gave him a sense of safety, he stood against the door a few more seconds, then he went over to the sink. When he looked at himself in the mirror he was shocked. There were faint blue and green handprints adorning his neck, his split lip was still a bit puffy. With trembling fingers he touched the marks on his neck, then his gaze wandered down his chest and when he saw all the other scratches and wounds on him he tore away from the mirror in horror. 

There was a small bath tub with a shower head in the corner. He went over and turned the water on, the faucet hissed and let the water inside the tub. Castiel hurriedly plugged the drain and let the warm water pool. Careful with his ankle, he stepped inside and sat down, letting the water rise around him. When it almost reached his infected wound, he turned off the tap and leant back to enjoy its warmth. 

What the hell had happened just then?  _ You let him do this to you, you  _ asked _ him to _ , he thought. His eyes shot open. It was true, Dean had coaxed him into this, but had given him a way out. And what had Castiel done? He’d told him to keep going. His brows knitted together, he tried to find a reason for why he had allowed this to happen and the only thing that came to mind was the drugs.  _ You fool, as if it wasn’t your own decision. It was you, you gave him permission to go on, not the drugs. _

‘Oh god.’ He whispered into his hand that had been restrained until now. But Dean had manipulated him into it, too. Castiel would never have initiated any of it. So it most definitely wasn’t all him…right? Biting his lip, he brought his hand back down and started washing himself carefully, avoiding the deepest wounds altogether. When he reached his neck, he flinched at the pain from his own touch. Dean had nearly strangled him in his furious state. Just thinking about it chilled him to the bone.  _ I have to remember _ , he thought.  _ Remember his true colors _ . Taking calming breaths, he bent his head back and washed his hair. After rinsing it with the shower head, he got up and left the tub to towel himself off. 

There was a knock and Castiel stilled, his ears straining. It came again and he noticed that it wasn’t the bathroom door, but the door to Dean’s room. He wrapped the towel around his waist and quietly crept to the door, just standing there on the balls of his feet. There was Crowley’s voice again, his baritone carrying through the room. 

‘I’m just letting you know that I’ve had an interesting conversation just now.’ Crowley’s voice sounded haughty. It took Dean all but a second to reply. 

‘And?’ He asked, sounding disinterested. Castiel could vividly imagine him crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

‘I have been presented with a  _ damn _ good offer. And if you can’t come up with something better, well then this—’ There was a short pause. ‘—is officially over.’ Castiel was wondering what they were talking about. Dean laughed out loud, for quite a while, too. It made Castiel nervous. 

‘Are you trying to blackmail me?’ Dean asked after recovering from his laughing fit. His voice got quieter, more menacing and Castiel had to press his ear to the door. ‘—m not giving you anything. And now I suggest you leave because this  _ is _ officially over.’ Suddenly there were heavy footsteps approaching the door he was leaning against and Castiel hastily took a few steps back. The door burst open and there stood Dean, Crowley several feet behind him. Castiel’s eyes darted back and forth between the two demons, then they landed on Crowley’s face and there was something in his expression that he couldn’t quite place. A hand wrapped around his forearm and Castiel tore his gaze away to instead focus Dean, whose face was twisted in a frown.

  
‘I thought I’d told you to leave.’ Dean addressed Crowley without turning around and Castiel saw the dark figure exit the room. Dean was dragging him out of the bathroom and deposited him in front of his wardrobe, then he opened the doors to reveal his neatly folded clothes. ‘Go ahead and get dressed, I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Dean told him and left the room just like that. Castiel looked at the door to the room in disbelief, but when a draft met his wet skin he shivered and quickly scanned the clothes before him. He sighed and reached for the grayest fabric he could find.


	12. we walk as tall as the skyline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is commenting! I seriously love you guys :)

‘Where are we going?’ Castiel asked Dean after a few minutes of silence in the car. The sun was already setting when they had headed out of the bunker’s garage and now it was dusk. Looking out of the car’s windshield hadn’t yielded much information about where they were going and Castiel was feeling uneasy because Dean hadn’t said a word to him after escorting him out of his room. 

‘We’re headed for a chat with some friends, who are just as fed up with a  _ certain someone _ as I am.’ Dean said without looking at him. Was he referring to Crowley? Clearly,  _ something _ hadn’t worked out between them and Castiel would have lied if he’d said he wasn’t interested in knowing the details. But what was he going to do, lead an uprising against the king of hell? So far Dean had never struck Castiel as the kind of person ambitious enough to take over the role of leader for a whole community. And that’s what demons were, a community, if somewhat...unusual in the classical sense. But apparently, becoming a demon could change those facts about a person. Castiel would know, he got to experience them first hand. Maybe Dean was going to do it out of pettiness, Castiel remembered that he never used to be someone to forgive quickly. He pondered about it some more when they finally halted in a small city like area, partially broken neon signs showed that they were parked in front of a bar. 

Dean hopped out, and when Castiel made no move to exit, there was a knock on his window. Huffing in annoyance, the angel went outside, where he was greeted by the late autumn wind. He tried to hide his neck from the cold in the sweater he wore and buried his hands in the pockets. When he turned around he saw that Dean had already moved towards the bar. Inwardly sighing, Castiel made his way over only to notice that the demon hadn’t went inside the bar, but into the alley next to it.  _ Well, if that isn’t cliché _ , Castiel thought while trying not to roll his eyes and hurried to catch up to Dean. 

They went further inside the dark alley until they reached a place with a single overhead lamp, illuminating the narrow path and its dumpsters. Castiel stayed behind Dean, out of the light and looked around warily. He absolutely didn’t like the thought of meeting up with even  _ more _ demons, thank you very much. 

Two figures stepped out of the darkness, a man and a woman. They gave a short greeting to Dean, then the woman looked in Castiel’s direction. 

‘Who’s that?’ She asked, while crossing her arms and squinting at Dean. ‘Thought you were coming alone.’ She was chewing bubblegum, the way it affected her speech made Castiel scowl. Then Dean turned around and beckoned for him to step into the light. There was no use in resisting, so he went and revealed himself. 

‘That’s Castiel!’ The man said in surprise and took a step back. ‘An angel of the lord.’ He was wearing a worn leather jacket and biker boots, making him look like he just stepped off his motorcycle. Before Castiel could say anything, the woman spoke up. 

‘No way is he an angel. Where’s his grace?’ She asked, looking Castiel up and down. Dean snickered and flung his arm around him. 

‘I took it from him.’ He could hear the triumph in Dean’s voice and saw the smile on his face. There was a pause, then Castiel dared a look at the other demons. The woman stopped chewing for a moment, then she spat the bubblegum out into a dirty corner. Both looked...impressed? Did they actually believe him?

Castiel opened his mouth to protest, but he was suddenly flung against the nearest wall by an invisible force, rendering him breathless and immobile.  _ Demon powers _ , he realized and searched for the source. It was Dean, he had stopped him from correcting him, what was he trying to accomplish with his lie? He winced when he tried to move, the power holding him was immense and in his human state he couldn’t fight it at all. 

‘I’ve never seen a graceless angel.’ The man said, a curious glint in his eye. He took a step towards Castiel, who was still held against the wall. Before he went any further though, he gave Dean a questioning look. ‘May I?’ He asked, then Dean glanced at Castiel and back at the other demon before giving a short nod. 

‘No touching.’ Dean growled and watched as the man slowly approached the angel on the wall. The closer the demon got, the more anxious Castiel became. It didn’t help that he was still unable to talk, let alone properly breathe. 

Before he reached him, the woman spoke up. ‘You took his grace from him? How?’ She sounded suspicious. Castiel was curious about Dean’s answer and tried to make out his voice among the dull thumping of his heartbeat in his ears. 

‘You will know the details once the deal is struck.’ Dean answered, taking on a relaxed stance. What they said after that was lost to Castiel because the biker demon from hell in front of him was staring at him with a concerned expression, not at all like before. 

‘Of Fables and Fairies.’ The demon whispered just loud enough for him to hear, then he turned around again and went to the woman’s side, a loose swagger in his step. Castiel could only stare ahead, trying to make sense of what just happened. The three demons were engaged in quiet conversation some more, before they separated and each went in a different direction. Dean was coming toward him with a pleased smile. He extended his hand to caress Castiel’s cheek, who was pleading with his eyes to be finally released. With a flick of Dean’s wrist, Castiel sunk down the wall into Dean’s waiting arms, taking in large mouthfuls of air while clutching at the other’s upper arms. 

‘Sorry. But I couldn’t let you spoil this for me, Cas.’ Dean said and helped the angel up to his feet. When he deemed him steady enough, he led them both back into the direction of the car.

‘What was all this about? And why did you lie to them?’ Castiel asked while trying to keep up with his bad ankle. He hadn’t even expected an answer anymore, but when they were finally in the car, Dean spoke up.

‘Let’s just say you are an important piece to this.’ He said while driving out onto the road and back to the bunker. After that Castiel kept quiet, looking out the windshield and having one sentence go through his head on repeat.  _ Of Fables and Fairies _ . What was that supposed to mean? It sounded like a title of...what? A book, play, movie, show? Why had the demon whispered it to him? It seemed like a message, the look on the biker demon’s face was burned into his mind’s eye like a bright spot. He kept thinking about it until they reached the bunker’s garage and Dean killed the engine. ‘I’m going to chill and watch some TV. You should eat something.’ Dean said after leaning back in the seat and stretching his arms as far as he could in the cramped space of the car. Castiel agreed and let Dean help him move towards the kitchen.

After completing his sandwich, Castiel took a big bite out of it and grimaced. Apparently, tuna and mustard didn’t go along very well. Still, he had made it and he was going to eat it in its entirety. So he took the plate with the sandwich and moved out of the kitchen towards the library. While taking another bite, his eyes wandered over the many backs of books accumulated in the shelves when it hit him. A book. It must be a book title. Hastily, he set aside his plate and started scanning the shelves. His index finger slid over the many backs, while he was searching for the title. His breathing picked up, the closer he got to books starting with  _ F _ .

_ Evergreen’s Guide To…, Evolution Of…, Facts about…, Of Fables and Fairies _ . There it was. A hot and cold sensation ran down his back. Before he could pick it up, a warning voice in the back of mind spoke up. What if Dean were to walk in? He couldn’t know what was in the book, best to check if Dean was busy. On tiptoes he went in the direction of Dean’s room, TV noises growing louder the closer he got. He heard Dean’s vague comment on the program from within and decided now was his chance while the other was busy watching television. 

Back in the library, he quickly picked up the book and moved into a hidden corner of the room, still a little paranoid that Dean might come in at any moment. After a last quick glance, he opened the book with shaking hands. Soft blue light illuminated his face as he stared at the small vial embedded in the book’s pages. It was filled with an iridescent bluish-white mist—angel grace. Castiel only stared at it for a while. The beautiful shimmering light was like a beacon in the dark, the solution to all his problems and he could feel a single tear fall down his cheek. 

_ This must be an illusion, _ he thought _ , a cruel trick _ . He brushed his fingers over the glass, a familiar warmth spreading up his arm. It was definitely angel grace. Whose was it though? His own? He didn’t dare to hope. Then again, taking another angel’s grace wasn’t something he was keen on. However, these were desperate times and he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the vial from the book, revealing a small note underneath it. 

_ Take it tonight at 11 pm _ , it said. Cramming the grace in his pant’s pocket, he considered the note for a second, then he closed the book and put it back in the shelf, along with the note inside. He stood there a moment longer, his hands flexing at his sides, while his brain went into overdrive.  _ I could just take the grace now and restore my powers to contain Dean and put him somewhere safe to search for Sam. But...eleven pm, whoever gave this to me must have something planned _ .  _ What time is it? _ He spun around and spotted the clock on the wall on the other side of the room. He had two more hours to kill. Taking a calming breath, he decided to follow the note’s orders and he brought the plate with his sandwich back into the kitchen and dumped it in the trash, plate and all. He set his shoulders and made his way down the corridors, heading for Dean’s room, a plan to keep him busy forming in his mind. 

The television noises were still audible when he knocked at the door. His heart beat wildly in his chest and he had to close his eyes to try and calm down. Dean opened the door, a look of mild surprise on his handsome face. 

‘Well, well. What have we here?’ Dean drawled, a bottle of beer in his hand.  _ Good _ , Castiel thought,  _ he’s slightly inebriated _ . He waited a heartbeat, then spoke quietly. 

‘I wanted to talk to you.’ That sounded right, not suspicious at all. Putting his sweaty and fidgety fingers behind him, he waited for Dean’s reaction. It was instantaneous, the corners of the demon’s mouth rose and he opened the door fully in invitation. Castiel stepped over the threshold and tried not to look at the bed when he stopped in the middle of the room. 

‘What about?’ Came Dean’s question, his voice slightly hoarse. He set aside the beer bottle and motioned for Castiel to sit down on his bed. The angel did so, surprisingly without hesitation. Putting his hands on his knees, Castiel turned to the demon sitting closely beside him. Dean was still smirking at him, Castiel swallowed nervously. 

‘I...wanted to ask about what happened in that alley.’ Immediately Dean’s eyes got hard, all traces of drunkenness gone. He just stared at Castiel, apparently searching for something in his face. Then he blinked, took a breath and leaned back on one hand on the duvet. 

‘Then ask.’ Was all Castiel got in response. That was better than what he had gotten in the car on their way back at least. So he cleared his throat and side glanced at the red numbers on the digital clock on the nightstand. One hour. 

‘Do you want to become king of hell?’ It was the bluntest approach, but it seemed to be the best choice. Throwing his head back, Dean laughed out loud. It was a weird sound, no real mirth was behind it, only conceit, and it made Castiel shudder. When he calmed down enough to wipe at an imaginary tear, Dean leaned in and drew his arm around the other’s shoulders. 

‘I am planning no such thing, Cas.’ He spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘But,’ He came nearer, half whispering in his ear. ‘You have one thing right. I  _ will _ see Crowley fall, by the hands of his own little minions, too.’ His free hand came up and lightly brushed upwards along Castiel’s arm, finding its way to his cheek and bringing his face around to meet Dean’s eyes again. He could feel the demon’s breath on his slightly parted lips. 

‘You said I am an important piece to this...plan?’ Castiel breathed while trying to look in the other’s eyes and not at his mouth. He was so close. 

‘You are Castiel,’ Dean answered, his eyes roaming over the other’s face and stopping at his lips, drawing his thumb over them. ‘An angel of the lord. And I, a demon from hell, made you mine.’ He smiled fondly, as if remembering a savored childhood memory. ‘What do you think the other demons will do when I tell them they need no king? They don’t need his permission to destroy, to just  _ take _ what they want?’ The arm around Castiel’s shoulder gripped him tighter, pulling him against Dean and he had to put his hands on Dean’s chest to keep a little bit of space between them. His breath caught, a manic glimmer shone in the demon’s eyes. ‘They’ll  _ want _ to believe that I took your grace simply because I could.’ Dean concluded. 

‘You want...anarchy in hell? Chaos?’ Castiel gasped incredulously. Dean winked. 

‘Something like that.’ He said and his grip loosened a little, but the weight of his arm remained. He licked his lips and brought their faces together, slightly closing his eyes. ‘What I want even more now though, is to make you moan my name.’ And with that he kissed him softly, just a brushing of lips, testing the waters. Castiel closed his eyes and thought about how he needed to keep Dean busy for the time remaining until eleven pm. What exactly was supposed to happen was still a mystery to him though, he was really nervous. Dean pulled back, a questioning look on his face. ‘What is going on in that scheming head of yours?’ He tapped Castiel’s forehead lightly with his finger. Cold fear settled in Castiel’s stomach. Did Dean suspect something? But before Castiel had to stammer a lie, Dean laughed and pushed him gently into the mattress. ‘Don’t look at me like that, I’m just messing with you.’ Then he lay down next to him and kissed him again, tenderly but firmly.

_ Thank god _ , Castiel thought.  _ He isn’t on to me _ . He was still a bit shaky from Dean’s  _ scheming _ comment though and decided to better leave his hands at his sides, they were trembling too much. 

Oh, but the way Dean kissed him.  _ Like last time _ , he thought. It was so nice, it felt light and intimate and made his head swim. He could get lost in it, the lazy movement, the smell and taste of him. Of Dean. Then he remembered that the solution to his problems was inside his pocket. His hands itched to take out the vial, restore his grace and get Dean out of here, to Sam. But he couldn’t, he had to hold out a little longer. Besides, it wasn’t so hard to pretend that this was the old Dean at the moment. He imagined his crinkling, smiling eyes and freckled skin, the sun reflecting in his green orbs and how he used to look at him when Castiel had said something weird again. It tugged at his heart strings, those memories and the things they did at present. His arms seemed to wind around Dean’s neck of their own accord, their kiss deepening, but not feeling rushed either. Still, knowing the vial was in his pocket gave him a sense of calm, but also elation.  _ It will be over soon, I will cure you Dean _ , he thought and embraced the other tighter. 

Dean made a muffled groan, his hands went underneath Castiel’s shirt and gently stroked up his chest making him gasp in pleasure. Castiel buried his hands in Dean’s hair, just enjoying the feel of it against his fingers and tugging gently to get him even closer. Both were a little out of breath when Dean pulled back slightly and just looked at Castiel. The hand underneath his shirt brushed over his nipple, making Castiel’s breath hitch. 

‘Hmm, Cas.’ Dean’s voice was barely a rasp, deep and gritty. ‘Let me help you with that.’ He went on and pushed the shirt over Castiel’s head, who went along and let it fall to the side. Then he kissed him once more, stroking and massaging wherever he could. His hands traveled lower, brushing the waistband of Castiel’s pants and then around him to hook his fingers inside and pull his pants down. 

Castiel’s eyes darted down, he could see the faint shimmer of the grace in his pocket and he started to panic. What if it fell out? He brought his hands up to help and take his pants off himself so he could do it without revealing his secret, but before he even touched anything there was a noise. Both stilled and listened, looking at each other with similar faces of surprise. There it was again, obviously coming from the bunker’s entrance. 

Castiel desperately wanted to look at the clock, but he managed to just frown and act just as surprised as Dean was. The demon got off the bed so fast, the breeze the movement sent over his body made Castiel shiver. Before Dean left the room, he turned around and gave him a warning look. 

‘Stay here.’ He said eerily calm and then left the room without making a noise. Right after the door was closed, Castiel got up and put his shirt back on, then checked the bedside table alarm clock. 10:58 pm. It was time. Anxiety settled in his gut, he had to take a breath and remind himself that now was the time to end this nightmare, he could do it. Fishing for the grace in his pocket, he held it in the palm of his hand a second to feel its warmth. 

He popped open the lid and immediately the grace started to rise towards him, he couldn’t have stopped it if he had wanted to. The mist floated into his mouth, filling his entire body with intense warmth. It kept coalescing, spreading and finally collecting at his core, his eyes temporarily blinded by bright light, a sensation too overwhelming to describe. He could feel his pain disappearing, his thirst and hunger left him, his senses sharpened and all distractions of his human mortality had vanished. His mind had become calm, the things that happened to him seemed far away now. All that was left was a lingering feeling of  _ wrong _ , which was weird because at first he couldn’t pinpoint where it came from.

  
Then he understood.  _ This is not my grace, this is another angel’s grace _ . He was standing still in the too quiet room and tried to summon his wings. They wouldn’t come.  _ Ah yes, so this means I am not entirely restored. I have to be careful _ . Lifting his right hand, Castiel flexed it a little and felt the grace’s power flow in his veins. That’s when he heard more noises coming from outside. A glance at the bedside table alarm clock revealed that he had no more time left and so he hurried to the door to grab the handle, crushing it to dust in his first and unhinging the door unintentionally with his power.  _ Need to watch myself _ , he thought. No more time to waste though, he would go after Dean. 


	13. and we have roots like the trees

His gait was full of purpose, his strides long and sure. The walls were whirring past him, doors and lights popping in and out of his peripheral vision, but he paid them no mind. Sounds were getting louder, low shouts and grunts, the sounds of a struggle. Flexing his arm muscles in anticipation, Castiel had to stop himself from rushing to the scene. He stopped just around a corner and leaned against it, peering around the edge. There were Dean and Sam, engaged in a fight. Castiel took a deep breath and surged forward, his eyes glowing blue while he channeled his burrowed angel powers. This would end  _ now _ . His hands came up and embraced Dean tightly from behind. The demon roared in shock and denial, tried to turn around, but it was no use. Castiel held him securely. 

Sam was standing back a few feet, assessing the situation, brushing a shaking hand through his hair. 

Dean was still struggling, Castiel had to grip him even tighter. ‘Dean,’ he rasped in the demon’s ear. ‘It’s over.’ But the demon didn’t relent, he snarled and bared his teeth at him. Castiel tapped into the depths of his angelic powers, bringing them to the surface and used them to overpower Dean’s mind, who grunted weakly and turned limp in his arms.

Releasing a breath, Castiel collapsed to his knees, cradling Dean carefully in his arms. Taking on such a powerful demon had taken quite a toll on him, he would need to rest for a while. When he heard Sam approach him, he looked up wearily, but his arms remained around Dean, holding him to his chest. Sam’s arm was still in a sling, but he looked better than when he had last seen him. Castiel managed a weak smile at him before Sam got to his knees, too. His hand landed on Castiel’s shoulder, his eyes looked haunted but his overall expression spoke of relief. 

‘It’s good to see you, Cas.’ Sam spoke softly and his lips twitched in a cautious smile. After all, he had left Castiel behind and maybe he was worried the other was upset. But Castiel couldn’t feel angry for something he had initiated in the first place. ‘Are you alright?’ The trademark Winchester question. And this time, he could answer somewhat more truthfully. 

‘Yes.’ Castiel said and tried to reassure Sam by mimicking his gesture and placed his hand on the other’s shoulder. Sam squeezed him curtly, then lowered his gaze to his unconscious brother. His brow creased and he removed his hand to look at the demon’s face from all angles. While he observed Sam’s actions, Castiel realized he was finally able to get some answers. ‘Are you ok? How did you get in here? Do you know who gave me the grace?’ The questions just poured out of him without a filter. Sam looked back at him and sighed quietly. 

‘I’m fine.’ Sam said and got up. ‘Let me tell you everything once we have Dean secured.’ That was probably the best for now. Castiel nodded and asked Sam to help him get Dean up and into the dungeon. Castiel couldn’t help his curiosity, though.

‘Do you know how we can fix him now?’ He asked Sam while they strapped Dean to the chair once more. With a half smile, Sam pointed over to the table on which there was the cooler again. 

‘If the treatment hadn’t been interrupted by Dean’s escape he would already be human again.’ Sadness flowed in his voice, his eyes were downcast. But then he looked at Dean again and a muscle in his jaw jumped. ‘This time I will see it through to the end, Cas. I will get my brother back. It’s good you have regained your powers, we really needed them.’ Sam said with a sad smile, then he was over by the table in a few powerful strides, removing the first syringe and brought it over to his still unconscious brother. He tapped the glass to remove the air and gave Castiel a nod before injecting the purified blood into Dean’s neck. 

‘About my powers,’ Castiel interrupted the dungeon’s silence. ‘Who placed the angel grace in the library and whose is it anyway?’ Sam wasn’t looking at him, he seemed to be busy getting all the injections done. Then he sighed and laid aside the empty syringe. 

‘I don’t know. But I have an idea.’ Sam said, Castiel only frowned at him. ‘I...made a deal.’ Sam leveled his gaze at Castiel. When he didn’t go on, Castiel raised an eyebrow in question. 

‘You made a deal with…?’ He asked and watched Sam reach for a new blood syringe. He dreaded the answer, because he already knew it. 

‘With Crowley.’ Sam admitted. Castiel closed his eyes when his fears were confirmed. What had Sam done? Did he trade his soul to the king of hell?

‘Oh, Sam.’ Castiel sighed and brushed his hand over his face. 

‘Yes, I know. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I didn’t promise my soul to him. You and I know how Dean would never let this happen and he’d end up in my place or something.’ He looked at the floor, then back up and answered Castiel’s unspoken question. ‘I gave him the first blade.’ The weapon that can kill any being in Crowley’s hands. Well, if that wasn’t a terrible thought. But wasn’t it useless without the mark of Cain? What did he want with it? He couldn’t blame Sam, though. He’d have done the same. And he needed to focus on the present. 

‘So you were the one who made Crowley a  _ damn good offer _ .’ Castiel stated, remembering the last conversation between Crowley and Dean. He could still remember the way the king of hell had looked at him that day. It made sense now. 

‘Did he...talk to Dean about it?’ Sam asked incredulously. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Crowley would look for the best deal. 

‘Yeah, it sounded like he wanted to get the best out of it. Typical Crowley if you ask me.’ Castiel concluded, then he jumped a little when Dean’s body started spasming in its restraints. Raising anxious eyes at Sam, he saw a concerned expression on the younger Winchester’s face. 

‘Yeah, you weren’t here the last time. This had happened after the fifth injection. It made me so uneasy I had decided to take a break.’ He left unspoken how that had been the mistake that had left Castiel and him suffer the consequences. ‘If all this is too much for you you can leav—’ 

‘No.’ Castiel would not make the same error twice. ‘I’ll stay in case we need my powers. Demons are unpredictable.’

‘Of course. You just seem a bit tired. If you want to rest—’ Castiel was about to interrupt him again, but Sam held his hand up placatingly and went on calmly. ‘—over here is a chair I brought in. You’ll be able to help quickly should something happen.’ Sam was pointing over Dean’s shoulder to the chair leaning against the wall. It was almost in the corner, engulfed in shadow.  _ I could use a little bit of rest _ , Castiel thought and sighed while he nodded at Sam and made his way over to sit down. He put his face in his hands and listened to Sam moving about, his footsteps on the concrete, the rustling of his clothes and the creaking of Dean’s restraints while his body was twitching. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was more anxious than ever. Would Dean be his old self again? Would he remember everything that had happened while he was a demon? Castiel didn’t know what to say to him once he was conscious again. Maybe he should just leave, let Dean heal from all of it, much like Castiel had healed when he regained his angel grace. There was no predicting Dean’s reaction upon seeing Castiel’s face.

His leg bounced nervously.  _ I should leave once Sam is done, I really should. Leave the brothers alone so they can talk, _ he thought. He was interrupted in his inner monologue by sudden silence. There was no more rustling, no footsteps and no creaking anymore. His eyes shot open and he looked up to find Sam with an empty syringe in his hand and an apprehensive expression. Then he heard a moan and it conjured up images in his mind, of things he’d done and that had been done to him. But they felt far away, like something he had experienced many years ago.  _ Pull yourself together _ , he told himself and steeled his resolve, never looking away from the now stirring Dean. Another moan, it sounded like he was in pain.

‘Uuuhh...Ssss…’ Dean slurred and Sam dropped the syringe to crouch down to eye level with his brother, Castiel could see the hope in his wide eyes. ‘Ss...Sam?’ Their eyes must have met because Sam’s face suddenly smiled and cried at the same time. He was still a little hesitant though. 

‘Yeah, Dean. Are you...yourself?’ Sam asked uneasily. 

Dean swallowed and groaned. ‘I think so.’ He answered and moved his shoulders to alleviate the pain in his sore neck.

Castiel was paralyzed in his seat, he just watched the scene unfold before him. Sam didn’t make a move to tell Dean that he was present and maybe that was for the best.  _ Just leave _ . But he wanted to stay so badly, to know if Dean was alright. 

‘Oh my god.’ Dean suddenly whispered. ‘ _ Cas _ .’ Dean’s head whipped up and Sam looked grim. ‘Sam, I...what have I done?’ Dean sounded pained, his breathing was harsh, getting quicker by the second. Sam gripped his upper arms and looked at him imploringly. 

‘Dean.  _ Dean _ , calm down. This wasn’t you, you hear me? This wasn’t you.’ He seemed to repeat it for him, but the last sentence was spoken while he looked over Dean’s shoulder at Castiel. He could see Dean shaking, he had started to hyperventilate.

‘Oh  _ god _ .’ Dean wailed and he released a pained cry. Castiel had his hands clasped in front of his face like in prayer so hard his knuckles had turned white. ‘ _ Cas _ , oh god.’ Dean was sobbing, so hard that Castiel wondered how he was even able to breathe. Tears were running down his own face, but he didn’t make a sound, just blinked them away forcefully. 

‘Dean, shh. You have to calm down.’ Sam said and took his shaking brother into his arms. It took Dean a while to calm down enough to talk again. Sam had freed him from the restraints in the meantime and was now kneeling in front of him while Dean remained in his seat, his face in his hands. Castiel had managed to wipe away his tears as well. 

‘Sam...I can’t see him. I can’t.’ Castiel’s heart gave a painful tug. 

‘It’s ok, you don’t have to. Not yet anyway. I’m sure he understands.’ Sam tried to console him and that was when Dean looked up at his brother. 

‘Understand what?’ He sounded angry all of a sudden. ‘That his supposed friend abused him? Beat him,  _ raped _ him for fucking  _ weeks _ ?’ Castiel stared at the back of Dean’s head, his heart beating wildly. ‘I  _ hurt _ him, Sam. I hurt my best friend. What the hell am I going to do about it? How could I make this right?’

Sam sighed. ‘Look, I know what happened. And I know that it wasn’t you.’ 

‘Except that it  _ was _ . It was me, Sam. It was all me.’

‘No it wasn’t.’ Dean spun around so fast, he almost fell off his chair. Castiel had risen from his space in the dark corner and had moved a couple of steps forward. Dean’s and his eyes met and what he saw there broke his heart. Fear and guilt. How he wished he could just brush it all away, to heal Dean’s soul from the corruption the demon left behind. Technically, he could. But he would never do it without Dean’s consent. 

‘Ca…’ Dean couldn’t even say his name, his voice broke and he got up from the chair to keep his distance from the angel. Castiel balled his hands into fists, the urge to comfort was so strong, but apparently Dean didn’t want that. So he remained in his spot, not quite meeting his eyes. 

‘Cas.’ Dean finally managed. ‘I...I—’ he swallowed thickly between small sobs. ‘I don’t know what to say. I don’t even have the right to say I’m sorry, not after everything.’

Castiel watched him struggle for words and couldn’t find it in his heart to let him feel like this. ‘Dean.’ And that single word brought new tears to Dean’s eyes. Those beautiful green eyes, once full of life and now so sad and broken. ‘I forgive you.’

He could see Dean’s face screw up in pain, his body crumpling to the ground and Sam rushing to his side, while he stood above him, the tears in his eyes long dried and the most prominent emotion inside him being love. Love for Dean Winchester, the man who had become his best friend. It felt like he hadn’t seen Dean in a while and they just met up again. The other him had been too different. He needed him to understand that he did not blame him for what had happened, that he only fought because he had been sure the real Dean was not interested in a physical relationship with him.

Cautiously, he brought his hand up and placed it gently atop Dean’s head. His energy flowed through his arm and into the man before him, filling him with a sense of calm. Sam broke away with a small nod of understanding and got up, while Dean’s body stopped shaking. Castiel crouched down and searched his face.

‘You can’t do this.’ Dean sniffed. ‘You can’t just forgive me like that.’ But Castiel managed a small reassuring smile. 

‘I can and I will. I am an angel again, not whole, but an angel nonetheless. My body is healed and so is my mind.’ He left out the part where he still remembered everything and still felt shaken up, but Dean didn’t need to know. ‘And when I tell you that this wasn’t you, you can believe me.’ He hoped to god that Dean believed him. 

Dean was frantically searching for something in Castiel’s eyes. 

‘If you think it wasn’t me then why do you forgive me?’ Dean asked. 

‘Because this is what you need to hear. Because I know you’ll never stop blaming yourself.’ Castiel’s hand on Dean’s head went to move on to his forehead where he placed two fingers. ‘I could make you forget.’ He was hoping Dean would say yes, but he knew he wouldn’t. 

‘No!’ Dean moved away like he had been burned. ‘That wouldn’t be fair to you  _ or _ Sam.’

Castiel sighed softly. ‘I see. I guess then it’s time for me to leave now.’

‘Where are you going, Cas?’ Sam asked from across the room. 

‘I have to get my own grace back. This is not mine and it just doesn’t feel right.’ Castiel said and was already getting ready for teleportation, his arm coming up to snap his fingers, his soul ached and he was ready to get out of here, but Dean’s hand stopped him. 

‘Wait!’ He said, but removed his hand quickly. ‘Let me—let me help you.’ Dean looked intensely at him. ‘Please, Cas.’ He wanted to atone, Castiel could see it in his face. Maybe if he let him do this he’d start feeling better 

‘Sure. But, don’t you need some rest first?’ Dean had just been cured of being a demon after all and the emotional horror he was currently going through would leave anyone exhausted. 

‘He’s right, Dean. You need to rest, and I think you’re still injured.’ Sam pointed at his shoulder blade. Ah yes, Castiel’s little souvenir. He shifted uncomfortably and watched Dean contemplate what to do. He looked so lost just standing there, wanting to make things right somehow. It broke his heart. 

‘Why don’t you take it slow for now and I’ll get you when you feel better.’ Castiel suggested, but he saw that Dean was reluctant. Only when Sam stepped forward and physically escorted him to the dungeon doors did Dean agree. He disappeared with a last look over his shoulder at Castiel. Now it was the angel who felt alone and lost, the overwhelming urge to follow, but he was able to refrain from acting on it. 

He kept standing there for a while longer, trying to make sense all the things that had happened in just a few minutes. Hours? He wasn’t sure anymore. The nightmare was finally over.  _ Is it truly? Or has a new one just begun?  _ He exhaled angrily at the thought. Things had to get better, right? Eventually, somehow. He would make things right again, show Dean that he was not responsible.

  
_ Time to get some leads on where my grace is, _ he thought and took a shaking breath.  _ Get my mind of...things _ . With a snap of his fingers he vanished.


	14. Epilogue

Sam exhaled and took a last look around the room. Things were set into motion, he had just hung up the phone when he heard a rustling of feathers to his left. 

‘Sam, is everything alright?’ Castiel sounded concerned, his cell phone still in hand. No wonder, Sam had been very vague about this  _ emergency meeting _ . 

‘Hey Cas, thanks for coming so quickly.’ Sam said with a smile which had the angel frown in return. He looked around himself, trying to make something of this situation but couldn’t figure out the emergency. 

‘I am confused,’ He started. ‘What is the emergency?’ Taking a step closer to the man seated at the table in the corner of the room. 

The bathroom door opened. ‘So I thought we should check out this lead to—’ Dean stopped in his tracks, his hands dropping to his sides and a look of utter shock on his face. Sam watched Castiel rooted to his spot, staring with quite the same expression back at Dean. 

After an awkward silence, Sam cleared his throat. ‘I guess I’ll leave you guys to this much needed talk.’ And he was getting up to leave. 

‘Wait,’ Dean called after him. ‘You set this up?’ He scowled at Sam. Castiel was growing more confused by the minute. 

‘Can someone tell me what’s going on here?’ He asked the two men. 

‘I’ll tell you what’s going on.’ Dean sounded angry, he took a small step forward. ‘No word from you in three months. And then you show up just like that? We have obviously been set up here by my meddling brother.’ His anger was now directed at Sam who was still smiling, albeit a little less. 

‘Dean, just talk to him, please?’ Sam tried to placate him.

‘I don’t think he wants to talk, Sam.’ Dean said dismissively and turned his body away from Castiel, looking at the floor. Sam had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He had been in contact with Castiel this whole time, the angel had been calling him several times a day to check up on Dean. Whenever Sam had suggested he meet him in person, Castiel had said that it wasn’t a good idea for his brother to see him. After three months, Sam had had it and just decided to break the silence between them. 

‘Dean,’ Castiel began, but he seemed very unsure of what to say. ‘I am sorry I never contacted you again.’ Dean crossed his arms in front of his chest, but it wasn’t in an angry manner. It was defensive. He still wasn’t looking at the angel. ‘I thought...that not seeing me would be best for you.’ Castiel sounded sad and his eyes were downcast. Sam wanted to leave, really. But he also wanted to see what would happen and do some damage control should they have a falling out. So he just stayed quiet. 

‘I see.’ Dean said as he raised his gaze up to meet Castiel’s. ‘What this showed me, though was, that you are still unable to even see me in the eye after what I’ve done. And—’ he chuckled humorlessly. ‘Damn, I don’t blame you. I understand, Cas. I just wish my brother did.’ Before Sam could speak up though, Castiel took a step towards the older Winchester. 

‘No, this is not true. I told you I don’t hold you responsible for your actions while you were a demon, for  _ god’s sake _ .’ It was Castiel’s turn to be angry. ‘What I know is that you fell apart the first time you saw me right after you were cured. You didn’t see the look on your face. I couldn’t—couldn’t bare to inflict such pain upon you again.’ His voice had grown shaky on those last few words, the fists at his sides clenching and unclenching. 

‘I thought you had left m— _ us _ for good.’ Dean said quietly, his arms falling to his sides. ‘And I accepted it.’ A deafening silence fell and nobody made a move. 

‘It seems I made the wrong decision.’ Castiel told him while he plopped down on one of the beds. ‘The only reason I was able to stay away from you at all was because Sam kept me updated.’ Sam silently praised Castiel for his confession but also feared Dean’s reaction. But if he was angry at Sam he at least didn’t show it. It was like the two had forgotten about Sam altogether. While Castiel was looking at his hands in his lap, Sam saw how Dean looked at the angel with longing and guilt. He was hoping the two would be able to finally start working through this.

‘There is something I’ve been meaning to ask you.’ Castiel didn’t look up when he spoke. ‘When you were a demon you said something that went along the lines of...not being afraid of acting upon your desires anymore.’ He looked up. ‘What did you mean by that?’ Sam felt so out of place, he considered excusing himself, but that might have ruined the moment. 

Dean stared back at him, long and hard, before taking a deep breath. ‘I said a lot of stuff I’m not proud of. But, I didn’t lie at least. It meant that I have always... _ liked _ you.’ The last bit was spoken very quietly and Sam’s eyes darted between man and angel. They were both looking at each other, then Castiel got up from his place and took a few cautious steps towards Dean, who in turn stood like a deer caught in the headlights. The angel stopped about two feet away from him. 

‘Do you still... _ like _ me?’ Castiel asked and Dean nodded.

  
‘Yeah,’ he rasped and then he was engulfed in Castiel’s embrace. Sam could see Dean’s eyes screwing shut and how he returned the hug enthusiastically. Quietly, Sam got up from his chair and crept to the exit, his work was done. They had to figure out the rest by themselves. Just before he shut the door behind him, he heard Castiel’s quiet ‘I still like you, too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you lovely folks who have been with me for so long, but also the ones who just recently commented. This was seriously so much fun to write just because of your amazing feedback. I couldn't let the story end like that and so I decided on this epilogue, which I hope, signals a slightly brighter future for the two.


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